Monday, April 30, 2012

Two is Better Than One.

These next 2 weeks are so busy for me.
I apologize in advance if my posts are scarce for a bit.
I left New York on Friday to get home, get Scarlett's Party organized and take care of a few other matters.
 Ty left to go back to New York yesterday afternoon. 
He will come back to me later this week. I always hate being away from Ty. I see him everyday. 
Still, it's not enough. 
It never is. 

When we said good-bye to each other, I started thinking about how in past relationships. 
I always wanted my own space; Time away from them.  
But with Ty, the love is different. Stronger than I can explain.
With Ty, I don't ever want that space. I want to be with him all the time. 
I love having my best friend close. 
When I am away from him, I feel like a part of me is missing.
When we are together, things feel right. 
I know that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I still can't help but wish I was with him.

As I sat there by myself, last night, I could only think about how Ty wasn't there and how much I wished he was. I decided to read a book and take my mind off of it. I looked through my stack of books between my owl book ends in the living room.  I came across a book that my father gave me awhile ago, but I never got the chance to read. I picked it up and skimmed the pages. Inside, was a note that my father had written to me. It said he was reading this book and he found it life changing. He wanted to share it with me. 
I don't know what was so important that I never got the chance to read it before, but I decided now was better then never. The book is called, "The Purpose Driven Life" By Rick Warren. The book encourages you to read one chapter a day for 40 days. I read the first chapter. In it, I found this quote, 

"Two are better off than one, because together, they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him...Two people can resist an attack that would defeat one person alone. A rope made of three cords is hard to break."
Ecclesiastes 4:9

This quote stuck with me. It was ironic that I had gone to the book to stop thinking of how I missed Ty and in it, I found Ty again. This is the reason that I belong with Ty and he with I: Because together, we help each other up, we overcome things that we couldn't do alone. We are unbreakable. My Ty....
I write many pages trying to come up with a words to tell Ty how I feel about him. But they all fail to really say how much I care for him. 
And knowing this, the only way to tell him, is to show him. Everyday, for the rest of my life. 

I hope that someday, somehow...I truly find the way to show Ty just how much I love him. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

The Line We Fell Across

The Line We Fell Across
By:Lauren Hutchinson 
Copyright © 2010 Lauren Hutchinson

Zicky`s Song by Pepper on Grooveshark
"Zicky's Song"

I hand you friendship with all these strings.
You say I remember too many things.
I only remember what I can't forget.
Someday it will end....I'll take all I can get.
I walked to your house, stumbling.
You took me in even though I was belligerent & mumbling.
I was sick, you held my hair.
I said, "I'm sorry I came here."
You spoke, "Don't worry, it's alright."
You got me home safe that night.


It had been so long since you kissed her. 
You told me that you missed her.
I hated to hear you in pain.
I hated how she treated you with such disdain.
You didn't want to think of her, that's that you said.
I'll be your distraction. I'll take her out of your head.


Those felt alone.
It's hard to be so far from home.
The letters stopped. Did friends forget?
You called me; you sounded upset.
I listened to your voice, undoubtably sad.
My humor and charm was all I had.
So I tried to cheer you up and such.
You didn't know it, but I needed you just as much.


Days, weeks, months went by; I didn't see you at all.
You came back & we picked up like you never left that fall.
Watching the game together. That ridiculous baseball score.
Laughing, laying there on the floor.

We are merely friends; that was agreed.
So why do you feel like something I need?


Perfect hands from his fingers to his thumb.
He plays the guitar and I watch him strum.
I have never heard this song before.
But I want to hear more.
There is something about him...about this song.
He says it's wanting what I can't have, but he is wrong.
He's never wrong. He's always right.
Not this time; not tonight. 


You are my best friend, you know I'm on your side.
So how do you make me so mad I want to cry?
We argue too much. I say yes, you oppose.
I still don't care. I want you close.
You say I'm random. I think you're funny.
But I'm not your sugar... and you're not my honey.


He doesn't approve, but who is he to preach?
Let's run away to the beach.
Newspaper photographer snapping pictures around us.
So we sink under & let the water surround us.
For a split second, you pull me close; the world disappears...
Under the water, it was like the rules didn't adhere.

In the car you were singing 'Akon',
"Nobody wanna see us together.." you sang on.
I laughed at you. You smiled back.
I loved to be around you and that was a fact.
I was at a time in my life when there was little that was real.
The best part of you was, when you were with me, I could feel.


My situation was too complex. You couldn't deal with that scene.
It wasn't like you to be mean.
You dropped me off at my car; you were done with the game.
I walked away, you called my name.
I turned around. Neither one of us quite understood.
You put me up on the hood. 
There it was, the line that we tried so desperately not to cross.
The line that, somehow, we simply fell across. 


I needed to stop living in an inevitable falling.
If only it didn't feel so good stalling....
"Come be with me" was all you had to say!
You always held me an arms length away. 
When things crumbled, as we both knew they would in time,
You were angry with me for not giving you "the chance to be mine".
But someone else grabbed hold, when you wouldn't.
Someone else loved me, when you couldn't. 
At one time, I held no one else above you.
But you waited too long to tell me, 'I love you'.


After all was said & done we didn't end up with each other.
And now, we both love another. 
We went through our seasons.
I think people come into your life for many reasons.
By accident, you showed me the true meaning of trust.
What we had, somehow turned to dust.

I don't know you anymore...It seems so long ago.
I remember though,
The gamble, not knowing if it would end up a loss.
The line we fell across....


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Why I'm Smiling.

The weatherman said rain. 
Although it did rain all weekend, it's sunny and warm here in New York, today. 
And I'm smiling. 

Things are great lately. It's been warm enough to wear a bathing suit in April! And after a winter of working out, I am beach ready. So, whats new? The seasonal house that we are staying at now is up in May. It was a scramble to find a new place but we I did it. I found a lovely condo with a pool and near lots of shopping. The wedding planning is still quite overwhelming but I'm chipping away at it, one obstacle at a time. I really want to have a traditional wedding so that our families and friends can all attend. But I don't want to spend a lot of money on it. I am throwing myself into the challenge of planning a frugal but romantic wedding. 
 I am making progress. Although, I must tell Ty once a week, "Let's just elope." 

While Scarlett has given me plenty of exercise, over the past couple of weeks, I've still found the time (during naps or Olivia) to sneak in some writing.  She is into everything. She only wants things that she knows she can't have, and I'm pretty sure she's going through another growth spurt. Little miss cranky pants needs my undivided attention all. day. long. It's okay. This too will pass. If I don't write, I feel unaccomplished. I crave it. If I can't write at least a few pages a day, I feel like I didn't get a chance to be me. To have an hour or two a day to write, makes me smile.
This past weekend was a successfully lazy weekend. We went grocery shopping in the rain. Somehow, we always end up doing that on a rainy day. Fun. Ya know, unloading a million bags in the rain, the scrambling to get them inside; me cracking up as Ty walks in with the last of the groceries, looking like he took a shower with his clothes on.  
Again, it's the little things......

The rest of our time was spent lounging around in pajamas, trying new recipes, playing with Scarlett and watching movies. Every once in awhile, I'm grateful for a rainy weekend so we can all spend time together.
Dear John was on and I watched it back to back.  Scarlett's First Birthday is in less then 2 weeks. I got to buy some extremely fabulous Anthropologie home decor for half price! I organized Scarlett's closet & clothes. And Ty is as charming as ever. 

These are the reasons why I'm smiling.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

What I've Been Eating.

Here's what I've been eating lately. I linked a few recipes, as well. 

Oatmeal with Blueberries & Bananas
I eat oatmeal pretty much everyday. 

Roast Beef Sandwich on Organic Wheat, Hard Boiled Egg & Chick Pea Salad

Whole Wheat Kashi Waffles with Peanut Butter & Raisins

Asparagus, Canadian Bacon, & Cheese Frittata (Low Carb)

Banana Oat Smoothie with Whole Wheat English Muffins & Marmalade

Penne with Asparagus & Parmesan 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Change of Plans

Dinner was on the counter ready to be made. It was a beautiful Monday afternoon. The temperature here in New York was 90 degrees. Scarlett was reading her books in the living room. The cooing and gaga baa's coming from her, warmed my heart. I had made a meal plan at the beginning of the week and Day # 1's dinner was Penne with Asparagus and Parmesan.  I looked at the ingredients laying idle on the kitchen counter and contemplated. 
Ty walked in the door and set down his briefcase to greet Scarlett. As always, Scarlett threw her books to the side and crawled towards Daddy. "What are we making for dinner?" Ty asked after kisses and hugs from Scarlett. 

I began putting all the ingredients back in the fridge. Ty gave me a quizzical look. 
"Get the baby's sandals on," I said, "We're going out. I feel like eating outside."
We packed Scarlett up and went downtown to eat at a cute little restaurant. I am spontaneous. Ty likes that about me. It was a gorgeous day and I wanted to take advantage of it. Sometimes, a good spur of the moment decision is perfect. 

It was a peaceful dinner. Scarlett slept while we ate and woke up just in time to go see the ducks at Congress Park before going home to relax together. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Little Things.


Scarlett has a habit of pulling her socks off every chance she gets. 
Every morning, I find two little socks laying in her crib.
I love those little socks.
Oh, how I love the little things.

The dainty little "Oh yeah" response that Scarlett makes now, when I ask her anything.
The way Ty always takes my hand when we are walking.
The smell of coffee in the morning.
Warm days when I leave the windows & doors open.
 Scarlett clapping my hands.
Flip flops.
Candles burning in the evening.
Beach sand.
Chick Peas.
Ty curling around me in the middle of the night.
The raggedy blankie that Scarlett eats.
Beach bags.
The way Ty smiles at me when he comes home to a cooked meal & clean house.
The way Ty always tries to help with everything even when I say 'I've got it'.
Food cooking on the grill.
The smell of sun tan lotion on skin.
Meal planning.
words on paper.
Scarlett, throwing her toys to the side, to greet Daddy hello.
fresh lemonade.
Little old treasures that I find at the flea market.
The birds chirping outside the window.
My favorite movie that I've watched a hundred times.
Bike rides.
Relaxing on the porch.
The sound of Scarlett reading her books, all her little noises.

When I started thinking of all the things I love the most. I realized, none of them are extravagant things. They are all simple, small details. How I love the little things in life....

Monday, April 16, 2012

A Breath of Fresh Air.

I can't tell you how refreshed I feel!
This past week, I was feeling pretty down. Defeated in many ways. I shared my heart with all of you HERE, and was so blessed with the comments and emails that were sent my way. It is amazing to me how many strangers care. And consoled me. It feels like a breath of fresh air. In the midst of a mini breakdown last week (ok, exaggerating a bit), But I was pretty overwhelmed with everything. A few comments really left me with perspective...

"Chin up, You have a beautiful baby girl and a loving fiancé. That's all that matters."

"You may not always be happy but you see the good in life & hold onto that. That's a beautiful quality."

"It is even harder when you try to seem happy-it can cut you off from any support networks you have."

"What is most important is not who is there to see it (besides the immediate family), but the commitment I am making to the other person. I could get married in a backyard and with 4 people there and it is still going to mean the same thing...."

I want to thank you all for your generous support. This wise insight has readied me to look at obstacles differently. Yes, I will have moments of frustration and days where I'm overwhelmed. But they will pass. And when I look back on them, I'll know that I conquered them. I am going to live each and every day to the fullest. That itself is a gift. 

As of right now, we are still looking for a place to live by the beginning of May. That's okay. It will work out. As of July, we don't know where Ty's job will take us. That's okay. God will take care of it. As of now, we haven't even set a date for our wedding. We will figure it out. I'm going to get through the move, Scarlett's 1st Birthday and all that craziness first. One day at a time. I feel at peace after reading the last comment above, by a sweet reader, Natalie. It doesn't matter where we get married or what dress I wear or how many people we invite. All that matters is that we are promising to spend the rest of our lives together. Ty has even said this to me. He said, "Lauren, we can do whatever you want. I am happy if we get married in the back yard." Well.....
We won't be getting married in a back yard. 
Trust me, if I had one large enough, I would go that route! A backyard wedding and a tent reception is really how I envision my wedding. Instead, we'll be using someone else's back yard....We went and looked at an Estate and I really loved it. It has a history to the grounds and I think that things may be starting to come together for us just a tiny bit.. AND I am receiving a brand new diamond engagement ring for having to wait so long, courtesy of Neil Lane! Funny how things work out when you least expect it.

Wedding Details to come......

But I will leave you with a sneak peak!
Here is a vintage photo of the Estate we want to marry at.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

A Much Needed Love Letter.

Dear Ty, 

When you first met me, you were so sure of us. You knew that I would be worth the risk.
I love that about you.
Lord knows that you are indecisive. You spend 15 minutes in the breakfast aisle, deciding on cereal. ;)
But when it came to me, you knew right away that I was worth it.

I know loving me isn't always easy.
Sometimes I am moody, selfish, impatient and I'm "always right". 
But you see past all of that, even on the bad days,
You see the best of me.
Thank God for that.
And I try everyday to be better.

My wonderful Ty, 
I don't know what I would do without you. You are everything that I wish to be.
Patient. Kind. Selfless. Laid back. Loving.
These past few weeks have been hard. Stressful.
When I'm down and ready to give up, you always pull me back in.

When I want to give up.
When I want to let go of you.
When I think you deserve more.
When I say things I don't mean. 
When I think it's all wrong.
When the road gets rough.
You ignore every painful word I speak and pull me into you.
You never give up on me.
And you show me through your selflessness & kindness, that no matter what, you are there.
Like a rock. 

I think that's what love is all about. 
It's about finding the person worth fighting for and never giving up on them. 
I am sorry.
And you know why...

Remember when we first met? How there was so much passion? 
The chemistry between us was like magic.
Remember how you looked at me while you rode your motorcycle by me as I was jogging? 
...........I could never forget that look.
Remember how I'd always run back to kiss you good-bye a second time, because I missed you before I'd even left?

Every relationship starts like that. But that "always want to be with you", "Never gonna hate you", "So in love" feeling isn't always as strong as it is in the beginning. Life can throw things in the mix that cause struggles. As life goes on, you start to realize that anyone can feel like that in the beginning. It's getting through those messy times that most people can't accomplish.

Remember when we saw that elderly couple, probably in their eighties, out on a date at the chinese restaurant? The old lady was all dolled up and the man who could barely walk opened the car door for her. And then they sat in their parked car, kissing. We were laughing at how rare it is to see an old couple like that. So in love.

I love when you tell me that we are going to be that little old couple at the chinese restaurant. 
The little old couple that everyone talks about. 
Together and more and more in love everyday. 
I want that.
Baby, thank you for seeing past my bad qualities. 
Thank you for understanding my moments of sadness and helping me smile again.

I hope I can give to you, one ounce of what you have given to me.
I can't wait to marry you.
I love you. Always. Forever. No matter what.


     If you haven't read.....Our love story HERE.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Life Lately.

I think, sometimes, people perceive my life as always happy.  I guess this would be because the majority of life lately is pretty wonderful. That, and I am pretty optimistic. But my life is not always easy and light. I can assure you that I struggle, too.

The last couple of weeks have been vexed in many ways. I've been trying to shrug off all the little hassles that life has been throwing us. They start to pile up. Things have changed so much in the last couple of months. A few months ago, we were looking at things much differently. Ty had just started his new job in New York. We were newly engaged, and everything seemed to be falling into place. We had received word that we would be moving to an always sunny state, so Ty could pursue an even bigger job. I was planning Scarlett's VERY 1st birthday party and my wedding. I was getting excited to have a permanent home instead of two or more. (Read about that here) Things were all falling into place.

How quickly things change.
Things changed with Ty's work. This means, once again, we have no idea where we will be later this year or where we will be living in 2013, the year we are supposed to marry. Try to plan a wedding around that. It's stressful and nearly impossible. I like to have one place that I can call home. Right now, home is wherever Ty and Scarlett are. That is reassuring, but still not the same as being able to live in one place. I loathe uncertainty. That's probably why I am such a planner. Why everything has to be laid out in stone.

I try to not worry about things that I cannot control. I fail at this often.
My engagement ring has been in repair for over a month now because of an error made while sizing it and the diamonds around the band were loosening. It is symbolic of my life, lately.
Not all together....

Our seasonal house, in New York, is up in less than a month and we need to find another house, and be moved in by May. Not to mention, Scarlett's First Birthday Party (which is priority in my mind) is the first week of May, at our house in Massachusetts.  We are traveling home for that. You can say there will be a lot happening in the beginning of May.

I have decided to take a break with wedding plans for now. It makes me sad to do so, but we are not certain about anything right now. I don't want it to be a stressful experience. I want to enjoy planning it and every aspect of getting married. That isn't possible right now.

I don't expect that life will always be happy. I understand all too well, that sometimes life is messy. It can bring you to your knees in one moment. It can disappoint you. There are many things that I do not understand. I've been so overwhelmed lately, that I've even shut my phone off and turned off my computer so that I could gather my thoughts. I really appreciate all the texts & concerns from my friends, that I love so much. I just needed a day to sort through my feelings.

I wish that I could lift myself from this place. 
The point is, sometimes you can't. Sometimes, you need trust that what is supposed to happen, will. 
Once again, I leave it all in God's hands and trust that things will work out. Life has a way of happening on it's own terms. I think back to my darkest days. They were hard and crippling. But the times following those days were some of the most happiest moments of my life. It is true, all good things are proceeded by chaos. No one ever said it would be easy. But the rewards are usually worth it....
I guess time will tell...Until then, life goes on.

On a positive note, Scarlett has teeth coming in everywhere! Her top front teeth are coming in. I have never seen such a happy teether. I can't get her away from her books! She spends hours looking through them. I may have an author on my hands...wonder where she gets that from. ;)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

1st Easter.

Scarlett's First Easter.

Scarlett had fun on her very first Easter.
I did, too ;)
We went home to Massachusetts to spend the Holiday with our families.
Every time we go back, it's always hectic. Hours of travel, napless baby, and a million things to do/people to visit.
But it was nice, as always, to see our families.
Saturday we spent the day with Ty's family & had a yummy turkey dinner.
On Sunday, my sister made an Easter Lunch. Scarlett even had her very first Easter Egg Hunt.
She found all her eggs and got the cutest Easter Basket.
The day ended with family games & lots of laughter, of course.
We got home Monday night and to say we were exhausted, is an understatement.
I'm glad to be off the road!
I hope you all had a Happy Easter, too.

Monday, April 9, 2012


I think childhood has a huge impact on who you become as a person.

I remember annual family trips. 
They stick out in my mind as happy memories. 
When I think of my childhood, those family times are what I remember the most.

Still, my family keeps traditional family trips.
Every year, my family goes to a Maple Syrup Shack nestled in the mountains near the Berkshires.
It's a small place called High Hopes Sugar Shack. 
Since I can recall, my family gets together in the early spring and eats breakfast there.
They make their own maple syrup & have a small petting farm.
We always take pictures in their Cut Out Boards.
It's tradition.

This was Scarlett's first year there. 
It was really special to have her there with us,
Joining in on the family outing. 
I want Scarlett to remember these family traditions.
Not just holidays, but things we do as a family.

I am Scandinavian.
My Nana passed her Norwegian traditions on to me.
She taught me how to make Norwegian Rice.
She taught me Norwegian words.
She told me stories.
I love knowing where my background lays.

Most people don't know that Ty is Korean. 
He doesn't look it.
But his grandmother was full Korean, his father half, and thus, Ty is a quarter Korean.
Hopefully, he can teach Scarlett about her Korean background. 
I want Scarlett to know where her heritage lies,
The same way that I know about mine.

When Scarlett thinks back on her childhood,
I want her to remember all the family trips, traditions, & stories.
For her to recall these family traditions as happy memories, will be an amazing accomplishment.

Do you have any family traditions?
I'd love to hear them!