Sunday, July 26, 2015

July 23rd At The Fair.

Can I just say thank you all so much for the love on this post (here). You sent messages and comments that made me feel so much better. All of your advice and support was ever so helpful. I didn't want to come off sounding ungrateful or like a complainer. I simply wanted to be honest and divulge my hard times, along with the good. So thank you all for such kind words and thoughtful comments.

With that said, can I just tell you that the last couple of days have been such a breath of air. Baby Maxwell has still been a bit cranky off and on but we are starting to get to know each other better and I have noticed that he does better out and about....just like his Mama ;) When we are home doing, not much, he tends to be fussier. When we are outside or driving, he seems more content. This is good news to me. On Thursday I tuned 31. I decided I wanted to go to the County Fair despite knowing if Bubs would be crying the whole time or not. I just needed to get out of the house! So after a busy day of getting our rental home situated with new tenants, I came home and got the 3 of us ready so that when Ty got home, we could go to the Fair.

We had so much fun! We watched Pig Races, which Scarlett didn't quite know what to think of. We met every single horse in the barn. Scarlett was in her glory. (I'm pretty sure she will own her own horse at some point in life) We ate so many disgustingly delicious foods from Chocolate Covered Fried Dough, Bloomin' Onions, Fresh Squeezed Lemonade, to Candied Apples and Chocolate covered Cheesecake on a stick....can you tell I'm a chocoholic? Maxwell slept the entire time besides a quick wake to eat during the pig races. Scarlett rode on all of the Kiddie Rides. A smile never left her face. Funny how being a mother, the things that make you happy are seeing your children happy.

Best Birthday.

Watching Scarlett's face as she rode the swings and seeing my little Max's chubby belly go up and down as he slept in his stroller. I loved it all. We stayed until 10:30 pm! That's late for me now days. I used to not go to bed until 11 or 12….Not anymore. I go to sleep when Maxwell does so this was a rare but fun late night. We drove home with two sleeping babes in the back seat. After getting them all settled, I cuddled up with my handsome husband and everything seemed just right. I laid there thinking about all of the stressful days that I had over the last 2 or 3 weeks and they all seemed so unimportant. So far away. It was what I needed to give me that little bit of encouragement. I am so very blessed. I think about that every. single. day. No matter if it's a good day or a bad day, I think of how lucky I am. Right now, I'm thankful for turning 31 and this family. I'm thankful for amazing days like this one was.

It was happy birthday indeed. And now onto the weekend celebrations!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

6 Weeks & 31 Years.

Little Bubs is 6 weeks old already. It's gone fast and slow…if that makes any sense. I mean I can't believe he's already a month and a half old, but I'm very much ready for the colic days to be over. Maxwell has his good days, but on his bad days, it's hard. Yesterday was a cranky day and of course I had an appointment to go to. Doing anything feels impossible on those days. I hate my home untidy, but it is. I love to venture out and be spontaneous, but it's not going to happen right now, and I like having a relationship with my husband…Ty who?  I have said this before, I love small babies and all their adorable-ness, but the newborn stage is not my favorite.

We will survive it and soon enough these days will be done. And please don't misunderstand, I wouldn't change a single thing, welllll…. besides the colic and oh! I could use more sleep too. Did you get that memo Maxwell? Ha ha. I didn't know if you were a colicky baby, your chances of having a colicky baby are higher. Go figure, I was.

But things aren't all that bad. I turn 31 today! How and when did this happen?! I don't know why, but I always celebrate my birthday for an entire weekend. I guess I'm just a party kind of gal. I'm excited to share the weekend with my sisters, one of whom will be moving across the country soon. :( It's also opening Horse Race Weekend here in Saratoga Springs. That means the city becomes a nut show. But it's a pretty fun time despite the horrid traffic and madness. This weekend will be filled with food, drinks, a crying baby (I kid…hopefully) and laughter.

I'm sure I will be posting all about that soon. But for now, here are some pictures from last weekend. My friend Lindsay from Massachusetts came and visited me. It was glorious to have some adult conversation and catch up with her. Lots of fun was had and it makes me wish that she lived closer. Anyhow, I'm off to celebrate 31 with my family. Hope you all have a great night. XO

Saturday, July 18, 2015


Last weekend we took a day and decided to go out with no plans or agenda and just enjoy ourselves. Baby has been really colicky so I like to take him out in the fresh air as much as possible. We are doing our best to get through these colic days. They can be trying, mostly for me. But this day we went out and enjoyed ourselves anyhow. The fresh air often times will calm him. We took a walk into the city and got some smoothies & Frozen yogurt. We ate at a little place called the Falafel Den and then took our food into the park to listen to the live Jazz music and feed ducks. Scarlett, like me, loves going for walks and having small adventures. I'm sure little baby Maxwell will too. We are going to try and do things like this at least once a week to get out of the house as a family and enjoy life right now. Even if it seems difficult to get out right now with our small babe, we are going to do it.

This jumper I found on and bought it with the intention that it would be great to breastfeed in. I was right, the zipper is perfect. You can find it here. Also, Maxwell's sandals can be found here.  
Happy Weekend!!

My jumper

Monday, July 13, 2015

Pieces of Life Lately.

Nursing this baby. Sometimes it makes me feel so happy. Other times, I feel so confined. That is just part of being a mother. Looking forward to a baby on a routine.
Dinner Dates with these two. Gosh she's beautiful. Sometimes it still baffles me that we made her!
Burgers like this for my Ty.
I try to make as much girl time for her as I can. Often I feel guilty that I can't do more with her when her baby brother is taking up so much of my time.
My fox fresh out of the bath<3
She loves him. Melt....
Yes, I love taking photos of these two. I'm capturing all of these precious moments up while I can.
Family walk/jog/bike rides/naps in the park. ;) A great day that I want to remember. 

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Nursing, Growth Spurts, life and Nursing AGAIN.

The first two weeks of Maxwell were sheer bliss. I felt like I healed so much more quickly than with Scarlett. Maxwell was as easy as could be (hardly ever cried), and I was enjoying motherhood immensely. We had pool days and went places and I enjoyed my little boy so. And then Maxwell turned 13 days old and it was like a switch. I had to put on my thinking cap and recall back to when Scarlett was a newborn. It started to come back to me that around the same time, this happened to her as well. He started to nurse 24/7 and when I say that, I mean every hour for 30-45 min. That's literally all day long. He was fussy and cried so much more. He was going through a growth spurt I figured. I knew he was getting enough milk since he gained a half pound over night and continued to gain weight since. He also had plenty of wet/dirty diapers. I assume he was building up my milk supply.

 I don't want this post to come off that I am complaining or ungrateful of motherhood because I without a doubt feel such gratitude for being able to have these precious children of mine. I know some women would do anything for what I have. They truly are my world. But let's face it, motherhood is hard. And very rarely do we talk about it. We just go about our day putting on fake smiles and when someone asks how things are, we grin and say fine. Maybe we think that no one wants to hear or maybe no one else talks about it so we think we shouldn't either. Well, I'm not afraid to talk about it. I think it helps others when we are honest with our feelings. Life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Why should we only talk about the good times? I generally like to keep things positive, ( I tend to highlight those moments on my blog) but what good is our suffering or hardships if we don't share them to help others, if only to let someone know they aren't alone. And along with me being honest, it helps me to get this all out. That way I don't have to lock myself in the bathroom alone and cry.  So here is my truth…...

The last two weeks have been extremely hard for me. After Maxwell started this…growth spurt (is what I believe it is) I tried to ride it out but it has taken it's toll on me. I haven't slept in days, I can't remember when the last time I showered is and I'm lucky if I have time to pee, let alone do something that I enjoy. Newborns can be hard. I do remember Scarlett was fussy at times. But Scarlett was a very independent baby. I could put her down and she would be content to swing or hang out looking out the window. Not my Maxwell. He's a mama's boy already. Never wants to be put down and just wants to nurse 24/7. And I do mean that he will switch from breast to breast for hours. He doesn't nap for more than 20 minutes at a time during the day, not enough time for me to nap, and lately, only sleeps an hour or so at a time during the night. He went from sleeping 3-4 hour stretches to this. Trust me, I've been to the doctors and they say he is healthy as ever and probably going through multiple growth spurts or comfort nursing. But that I should continue to nurse when he's hungry.

I am not a home-body. I like to be out doing things, especially with this beautiful weather. But instead I've been camping out on the couch with nursing pads surrounding me, a baby latched onto my boob and a large glass of water beside me. I loved nursing Scarlett but I most certainly forgot about the hard parts of breastfeeding. Funny how as mothers, we do that.  The baby and I both got thrush last week (probably since he nurses so much) and we had to get treated for that. Not a fun thing for either of us. 

I know it will pass and soon he'll be back to sleeping and eating more routine again, but the last couple hard. After 2 maybe 3 total hours of sleep each night (sometimes less), I wake up to feed him again, then swaddle him up and put him down while I rush to throw clothes on and help Scarlett get ready for school. She still requires some attention, too. She has begun summer camp for 3 days a week and I'm thankful for those days since I am not much help to her at home lately.  On days that she is in summer camp, I camp out myself in my rocker in my room. I see my bedroom view more than I like to. I try to get outside as much as possible. We nurse by the pool, as we take a little walk and on the porch. Sometimes I'm just too tired and want to stay in my bedroom.

Thank God Scarlett has been so awesome lately and helped to get herself dressed each morning after I pick out her clothes for her. Then she helps rock the baby while I make her breakfast. Sweetest girl! He usually still cries anyhow and then I put him in his carseat and swing him with one arm while I cut up fruit or waffles for Scarlett.  Often I am nursing him while I'm doing all of these things and I must say, I need to invest in a sling carrier. I am going to have arms of steel! Then I drive her to camp hoping he wont start screaming on the way. Usually he likes the car but not always.

 Today, I had to take Scarlett to the doctors for her 4 year check up. After lugging in a screaming baby, I tried to help Scarlett get undressed while nursing him at the same timel. It's a juggling act. The hardest part was putting the baby down so I could help Scarlett with shots. He cried, then she cried. This continued when Maxwell cried the whole way home. Scarlett joined in with him again when we drove past the playground and I told her that we couldn't play there today, baby brother is too fussy.  So two children screamed all. the. way. home. When I got home, I nursed him again, set him down ever so carefully and rushed to make some lunch for Scarlett and I. Of course he started crying before I was done so I put him in the wrap and tried to bring him with me as I prepared food. That lasted all of 3 minutes before he started crying again. Once I was done, I brought our food into the living room and told Scarlett we were having a picnic. We sat criss-cross apple sauce and I nursed Maxwell (as I do through most meals). As I went to bite into my sandwich, I spotted mold on the bread….the downfall to having organic foods, they spoil quickly. I stopped Scarlett from taking a bite just in time and into the trash went the sandwiches……………we ate cereal.

 Bless you mothers of more than two. Seriously. Don't get me wrong, he has good days too. We take full advantage of those days by usually, napping. I feel very isolated and out of the loop lately. I am the type of person that can't let the house be dirty. It literally stresses me out when the house is out of sorts. So the fact that the laundry is piling up, dishes are not in the dishwasher, dirt is on my floors and toys are everywhere really stresses me out. This adds to it all. I feel horrible guilt for not being able to do more with Scarlett. She seems to only want Ty lately and it hurts me to know that my first baby wants Daddy over me lately. How can I blame her? I haven't done much with her in awhile. I try to watch a movie with her once in awhile or play barbies with her. Although by the time we eat and have time to do these things, I'm so exhausted that I can't think straight. Ty helps with laundry, chores, Scarlett's bath and dinner. Bless him for coming home after working all day long and still helping without one complaint. Often times he doesn't go to bed until midnight just catching up on the things that I couldn't get to. Which is everything lately!  I know that these hard times will pass. I'm hoping sooner rather than later. I want to be able to enjoy these baby days and enjoy nursing, which I haven't really enjoyed at all lately with the nonstop eating. I do try and think of my blessings as these hard times are among me. I love this little boy with all my heart and soul!!!!

Again, I know some women would take all of this in a heartbeat for the chance to have a child. Still, we as mothers have a right to feel overwhelmed and exhausted at times. We have a right to talk about these things not only to let others know that they aren't alone, but to vent a little; let go of the stress.

Tell me, I'm not the only one who has these moments, am I? I am thankful for this little space where I can vent and have such wonderful readers respond with such kind words. Thank you for being wonderful and not judging....
I am all for nursing in public if you choose to. I generally like to use a nursing cover in public as my personal preference but decided to post this photo because #normalizebreastfeeding

Monday, July 6, 2015

4th of July Weekend.

4th of July. It's one of my favorite holidays ever. However, we weren't able to celebrate as we usually do. Baby Maxwell has been making it hard to much lately. I'm adjusting to nursing him and finding a breastfeeding routine with him. He's been binge eating 24/7 (no exaggeration), and there's not a lot else that I can do while I've got a baby stuck to me. I'll blog more about that later because it's post all by itself...

Friday was a good day. Ty had work off and we spent the morning at our rental property. Furniture got delivered. Then we spent some time out by the pool at our house. Had some lunch and relaxed a bit. Later that day we got some dinner in the city and stopped for chocolate at Kirwin's, a favorite of ours. They make delicious chocolates. Scarlett got a chocolate covered pretzel and I got a chocolate covered Rice Krispy treat. Annnnnd of course we rode the Carousel before going home.

Saturday we woke up to rain that didn't want to end. We had plans to go to the parade in Saratoga and then have a cookout and pool party. But with a baby who was nursing non-stop and rain that had no intention of stopping, we decided to just stay home and postpone any events until Sunday.  My sister came up from Massachusetts and kept me company on a rainy Saturday. That is always a treat. We made a trifle together and Then Sunday came around with beautiful weather. We cooked on the grill, visited with friends, swam in the pool and made up for missing the fireworks by letting the kids do some sparklers when it got dark. We celebrated the 4th on the 5th this year and we missed out on much anticipated fireworks, but it ended up being a great holiday just the same.

I hope you all had a great Red, White and Blue holiday!!!!