Thursday, April 12, 2012

Life Lately.

I think, sometimes, people perceive my life as always happy.  I guess this would be because the majority of life lately is pretty wonderful. That, and I am pretty optimistic. But my life is not always easy and light. I can assure you that I struggle, too.

The last couple of weeks have been vexed in many ways. I've been trying to shrug off all the little hassles that life has been throwing us. They start to pile up. Things have changed so much in the last couple of months. A few months ago, we were looking at things much differently. Ty had just started his new job in New York. We were newly engaged, and everything seemed to be falling into place. We had received word that we would be moving to an always sunny state, so Ty could pursue an even bigger job. I was planning Scarlett's VERY 1st birthday party and my wedding. I was getting excited to have a permanent home instead of two or more. (Read about that here) Things were all falling into place.

How quickly things change.
Things changed with Ty's work. This means, once again, we have no idea where we will be later this year or where we will be living in 2013, the year we are supposed to marry. Try to plan a wedding around that. It's stressful and nearly impossible. I like to have one place that I can call home. Right now, home is wherever Ty and Scarlett are. That is reassuring, but still not the same as being able to live in one place. I loathe uncertainty. That's probably why I am such a planner. Why everything has to be laid out in stone.

I try to not worry about things that I cannot control. I fail at this often.
My engagement ring has been in repair for over a month now because of an error made while sizing it and the diamonds around the band were loosening. It is symbolic of my life, lately.
Not all together....

Our seasonal house, in New York, is up in less than a month and we need to find another house, and be moved in by May. Not to mention, Scarlett's First Birthday Party (which is priority in my mind) is the first week of May, at our house in Massachusetts.  We are traveling home for that. You can say there will be a lot happening in the beginning of May.

I have decided to take a break with wedding plans for now. It makes me sad to do so, but we are not certain about anything right now. I don't want it to be a stressful experience. I want to enjoy planning it and every aspect of getting married. That isn't possible right now.

I don't expect that life will always be happy. I understand all too well, that sometimes life is messy. It can bring you to your knees in one moment. It can disappoint you. There are many things that I do not understand. I've been so overwhelmed lately, that I've even shut my phone off and turned off my computer so that I could gather my thoughts. I really appreciate all the texts & concerns from my friends, that I love so much. I just needed a day to sort through my feelings.

I wish that I could lift myself from this place. 
The point is, sometimes you can't. Sometimes, you need trust that what is supposed to happen, will. 
Once again, I leave it all in God's hands and trust that things will work out. Life has a way of happening on it's own terms. I think back to my darkest days. They were hard and crippling. But the times following those days were some of the most happiest moments of my life. It is true, all good things are proceeded by chaos. No one ever said it would be easy. But the rewards are usually worth it....
I guess time will tell...Until then, life goes on.

On a positive note, Scarlett has teeth coming in everywhere! Her top front teeth are coming in. I have never seen such a happy teether. I can't get her away from her books! She spends hours looking through them. I may have an author on my hands...wonder where she gets that from. ;)


  1. Oh how I love this post. I can completely relate to it, even though I am not in the exact same situation. I work in construction and would love to purchase a home, but I hesitate because if I get a different job I would have no clue where it would be. I have to always remind myself that I can't plan around my job location because I will more than likely always be traveling for that. In terms of your wedding plans (I am not engaged or married so it's just from my own thoughts), I used to want to have this big wedding and invite everyone so they could all share in the wonderful day. However, as I have gotten older and friends and family have come in and out of my life, I have realized that what is most important is not who all is there to see it (besides the immediate family), but the commitment I am making to the other person. I could get married in a backyard and with 4 people there and it is still going to mean the same thing. So don't be too sad because you can always have a small wedding and throw a party later ;). I wish you the best in your future because you seem like a great person! Everything will eventually fall into place, even if it is not when you planned it to. :)


  2. dont stress! (: If you everrr want to talk IM HERE!! just leave a comment on my blog telling me, and ill email you!!

  3. What a good post that I needed to read. I am so guilty of thinking the grass is always greener, when in fact it's not. Lifes not fair or easy so we just have to make the best of it. Good luck and I'm around if you need to vent!

  4. I don't like uncertainty either. I am a researcher. It is so hard to plan a wedding if you don't have the venue. Once we got that nailed down, everything else was a little bit easier. I hope that everything works out for you soon and that you and your family end up in the right place.

  5. Oh, the stuff life can throw at you. I'm so sorry you are having to postpone planning your wedding and everything else you are going through. It can really get you down sometimes. It is even harder when you try to seem happy-it can cut you off from any support networks you have. And then again sometimes you just need to have a little faith that it will all work out. Chin up. :)

  6. I can relate. Uncertainty follows human life, but like you said, stay positive these things are out of your control. So worry about 'now', spend time with your family and 'later' will take care of itself. Better yet, pray for it! :)

    p.s. you are one gorgeous mama!

    1. Thank you thank you! For the compliments and advice. I will def pray about it.
      BTW, you are gorgeous yourself.

  7. Just found your blog today. Love your writing and especially this post. I think we all feel this way sometimes. Good luck planning your wedding and finding a house.

    I mentioned you in a post today. :)

  8. what a touching, raw and gorgeous post, rebecca!
    i can relate on so many levels. uncertainty sure has a way of grabbing every bit of us and shaking our souls to the core.
    you may not always be happy, but you certainly see the good in life and hold onto that...and that's a beautiful quality :)
    sending love and prayers your way!

  9. Love this.. so honest. Life IS messy and full of surprises. At least we know that much...

  10. I love this and find it so incredibly easy to relate to. I hate uncertainty, it is the root of all my anxieties in life. I try every day to find the strength to "let it be", and have faith that everything will come together. Let me tell you, it's a struggle. You feel like you have so much good in your life, but all you can think about is the looming possibilities that things won't go quite as you planned. For me, I try to mentally prepare for every single possible outcome, so that I can emotionally prepare for the manner in which it needs to be handled. Your mind races, and inevitably you feel like you're drowning in it all. Unfortunately, all we can do is hope, dream and wait. Patience is a virtue, and faith is something I'm currently working on.

    Your little family will definitely be in my thoughts :)

  11. That must be so frustrating Lauren! Uncertainty can be so hard, it is for me. Not being able to plan things like you want and putting other things on hold... I hope things work out for the best, even if it doesn't seem like they will right now. I'll be thinking of you guys!

  12. Gah, I'm sorry you have so much on your mind. I know I'm late reading this but I can relate. I was laid off and job searching for 9 months a couple of years ago. It literally felt like my life was on hold. We couldn't make improvements to our lakehouse, we couldn't start looking for a house-house to buy. It was a waiting situation that I hated. So much uncertainty.

    I'll keep my fingers crossed that things work out soon. In the meantime, keep your chin up. Almost everything happens for a reason! (Sorry if you're someone who hates that saying, but I try to look at things that way!)


Thank you for all your comments & kind words!! I reply in the comments section so check back if you have a question :) xo