It's been awhile since I wrote you. I say that as I am typing with one hand because I'm feeding our youngest child. That's how life is lately. It's consumed with work and baths and cooking and cleaning, crying, soccer, little sleep and now school. But we are here. With each other. We have been through the good, the bad and the downright ugly times.
Six years is all it took for us to meet by chance, fall head over heels in love, go on a handful of vacations, have a child, get married, move 800 times sending us to another state, have another child, buy the perfect home for us, and land us where we are right now. I just knew you were the one and you seemed to think the same about me. So we didn't waste any time.
But not every day is as easy as it used to be. In fact, right now, with young children, every day is probably at it's most chaotic. Not in a bad sense. We love these crazy babes with all of our hearts, don't we? (I smile) But things are very much different than they used to be. There is much less "us" time. Much less time in general. Hell, even when I'm home all day I can barely clean or even cook you a good meal for when you get home from a long day's work. None the less, you come home and cook us all dinner without one complaint. I wish I had time to do something good for you. Maybe something small to show you how much I appreciate you. But I don't. I'll be lucky if I get to shower today. I remember those days....the ones that I hold so dear to my heart. The nights that I think back on weekly...sometimes daily. The days like this.... and this.....and this.
We were wild in love, weren't we?
Every day I brought a smile to your face and we couldn't stand being away from each other........
I fear that I rarely make you smile anymore. Some days you come home and I unload my day's worth of stresses before even hugging you. It's not as though you didn't have your own day of tribulations. Sometimes I can be downright mean and it's not that I mean to be....I really don't. I'm just defeated at times. How is it that at one of the happiest times of my life, here with you and our family, I can still feel so defeated?
huh. I find myself comparing then and now and that's not really fair. Our life of chapters can't all be easy breezy. You need those tough spots in there to make for a good plot, right? Having children is the greatest thing I've ever done. That doesn't mean that it's easy. Because we put them first, our relationship gets put on the back burner at times. I know it won't always be like this. Ya know, another chapter type of thing. It will come along and then we'll miss the pitter patter of Scarlett's feet creeping down the hall to ask us to tuck her in for the hundredth time. (smile) We'll miss it all. When this chapter has come and gone, I'll miss nursing that chubby boy for hours on end....We'll miss 2 kids invading our bed on a weekend at the crack of dawn. The bed that used to hold love-making on a Sunday morning. We'll miss getting two little ones bathed and in bed on Friday night and we'll miss the arms that run for us when the tears begin. Yes, I'm sure we'll even miss the tantrums that we put out with reason and hugs.
Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of you looking at me. One time it was while I was cleaning spit up off of my shirt. My hair was a mess and make up long gone from the quick make-up job that I had done that morning. You had this intense look on your face and I knew what you were thinking, "You're beautiful". I know you that well now. I brush it off like, "Please, I'm disgusting. Haven't showered, my hair is looking like some rats moved in, spit up and probably drool all over me." But when I lay down to sleep at night and you wrap your arms around me, I know that you love me. Unconditionally. Because love is more than hanging around when it's easy. Love is helping me change his diaper at 3 am. Love is giving her a bath even when you are exhausted, just to help me out. Love is ignoring my heartless comments when I can't keep my damn mouth shut....
Love is waiting. Waiting patiently through this season of our babies. Enjoying all that we can because there will come a time in our lives when we won't have them close to us. And when that time comes and its just you and I, we'll say, Remember when all we wanted was some time alone? And of course we will long for the old days. But until that chapter, we'll try and do what we can to make life the best it can be. Give these kids of ours one hell of a childhood. Travel and love them up. I believe the key to a happy life is balance. Let's try and balance kids and love, alone time and chaos.
Truth is, even on our worst days, you are a dream and I'm ever so thankful to be doing life with you. So thank-you for being patient with me always. Forgiving when I need it. And always loving me hard like you did in the beginning.