It's strange to think that in just 10 or so weeks I will have a little baby boy in my arms. Every time I try to wrap my mind around this concept, I can't. They say that mother's have instincts about their children. I believe this is true. With Scarlett, I could envision exactly what she would be like. Her ultrasounds were very telling of her face and personality. She sucked her thumb and posed perfectly for every shot. Her little face looked exactly like it did when she was born. She is much like that now. Photogenic and ready to smile for a moment captured in time. I didn't envision that she would have the darkest curls. I guess I seemed to envision her personality more than her looks.
With my baby boy seems very different. For every ultrasound, he covered his face with his arm or hands. His shy/laid-back manner reminds me of Ty. I envision him much like this when he is born. Again, I cannot envision what he will look like but his little personality seems to shine already.
Late one night this past week, I laid awake thinking. This happens a lot since sleep is scarce now days. Insomnia and restless leg has set in making it impossible to fall asleep. I laid there thinking about my life just 6 years ago. How different life was. How empty and unsettled my soul was. I thought about how I could still be in that place. How every little thing that happened back in that glorious year of 2009 perfectly happened at just the right time. I've written of it a handful of times. I've relived it in my daydreams more times than I can count. The magic of that summer ran through my veins like electricity. It was like something...or someone had breathed life to me and finally, I woke up. I wasn't afraid anymore. I was ready. (read more about that here.)
Back then, I needed something to save me in the worst way. Ty reached down with strong arms and pulled me out of that darkness. He showed me what love truly was. Thinking back, I don't even know if I knew what love was until him. About a year later, we found out that we were having a baby. I was terrified in all sorts of ways. I didn't feel ready or prepared in any way. But God knew what I needed. This perfect little girl showed me a different kind of love. A stronger love. My heart began to fill through the last few years. Then, laying in the bed thinking about how far I have come in such a short amount of time, I thought about this new baby and how I feel like he will complete my heart. Fill it to the very brim.
And all of it coming so soon!! These are the days. These are the days of my life that I've longed for. These are the moments that I will look back on and wish with all of my heart to have back. The days I will miss….
I'm so grateful to have these days. right now.