Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Everything Wild & Lovely Link Up + Struggles Lately.....




& No, we are not driving while I took this photo.

It's been awhile since I've been wordy on here. I guess I go through phases. Thought I'd share some words today along with some photos of the past week or so.

Things haven't been as happy & wonderful as usual. I think all of the changes going on with us right now could be the culprit. We've been distant from each other. Physically and emotionally. Ty started working overtime, so naturally he is home less. Since Scarlett's been in school full time (a learning-based daycare), there's been a lot of pressure on me to get a job. That's what I've been trying to do for the last couple months. The plan was for me to get a job and work full time, pick up some great health insurance for our family and save a little money. So when we signed Scarlett up full time at school, we thought, 2 or 3 months will be plenty of time for me to find a job. No problem! Well, here I am, 3 months later, still waiting on phone calls and doing interviews. We don't want to take Scarlett out of her school now. Not only does she know and like her teachers, but she will lose her place if we do. It's not easy to find a good spot here. They fill up quickly! When Ty comes home and asks how the job hunt is going, I feel like a complete failure when I have nothing good to report. Especially since I spend the majority of my day sending out resumes and calling.

I'm sure that this wears on me. Ty keeps telling me, "Don't worry, something will come along" But I am the hardest on myself. Ty is my rock. Always there for me, always positive and encouraging. Still, I think my moody behavior and the distance I've been putting between us is because I feel as though I'm letting him down. I've never felt this way in our relationship before. I'm almost positive that this is more of my mindset than his. I feel bad that I've been pushing him away. I guess that is my natural reaction. When things get rough, I slowly start to pull away, preparing myself for the worst. Building my wall up slowly. And then I remember that Ty won't walk away. Ty won't put me down or shut me out like I've had done to me so many times before. He stands next to me, no matter how much I push. God, I love him.

On top of that, I have been extremely bored since Scarlett's been in school. I've cleaned our house from top to bottom. The car is spotless. The laundry is done. I've been going to the gym everyday. I've organized everything I can get my hands on and even raked the yard and mowed the lawn. If you know me, you know that I love to keep busy. I'm not one to sit around and do nothing. I'm going stir crazy. I'm hoping that one of these jobs calls and gives me some good news. I don't ever remember it taking so long after interviews for them to let you know. I guess things have changed in the last 7 years since I've had to job search. I can't remember the last time I had so much free time to relax. Honestly, I don't like it. The saying, everything in moderation is truer than ever. Too much down time is not good for me. I'd rather be working full time and then soaking up Scarlett and Ty the rest of my time. I don't mind having a list of chores to do or a long To Do list.

There are a lot of times in life that I feel comfortable and content. Lately, I feel the complete opposite. I feel like I'm on the edge of my seat with job searching and I'm still adjusting to Scarlett being away from me for so long. Anxiety comes and goes lately. But I'm trudging on and hoping for good changes. Praying that things come together like they usually do.

I guess I've been feeling a little empty lately. Like I need something more. And I'm not really sure what that more is.




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13 comments:

  1. Girl, I can TOTALLY relate to this. I had a long term job and ended up getting laid off without any notice. I have applied to jobs after jobs and constantly updating my resume, only to not get a call or an interview. It's very frustrating and I know exactly how you feel. I felt like a failure also and couldn't understand why I would never get a call, until one day it all happened and my opportunity for a job was there. Everything happens for a reason and if you don't get a call for a job that you really want or have applied to, it's just not meant to be. I had to keep telling myself that to get through it all. It will happen soon enough, stay positive girlfriend :)

    xox,
    Sincerely Miss Ash

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    1. Ugh....laid off without notice....:( You are absolutely right, it prob will happen in time at the right time. So hard to tell yourself that in the moment I guess....thank you love! xo

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  2. I hope you snag a job... in the meantime take advantage and see the positive in having 'free time'. Your life is beautiful

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    1. Ahhh yes, I try and do this. I'm just such a busy personality. I'm happier when I'm passionate about something. XOXO

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  3. I can totally relate to that feeling of discontent, things always have a way of working themselves out though, mostly when you least expect it. Keep positive and you'll make your way out of it in no time :)

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    1. your husband is right, something will turn up. although i know it can be stressful in the waiting, try to stay positive.

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  4. You know where a good place to look is? Small engineering or Architect firms. They are family oriented and when you can find an opening for office manager or something like that, they present an opportunity to make good money and enjoy work. Don't know if that has even crossed your mind but after owning restaurants for years I found an engineering firm that hired me and I couldn't be happier (or making more money) after not working for 2 yrs after having Scarlet! Good luck and he's right, the right thing will come along :)

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    1. No I haven't....I will look into this. Not sure what is around here for that kind of stuff but I will do some researching. thank you!

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  5. I am sorry you are going through this ( I know the feeling all too well), have you considered starting your own business? You are such a talented photographer and I LOVE your shots of New England. I think you should consider it, you seem to have an entrepreneurial spirit.

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    1. Oh thank you! You are so sweet. I don't even know how to use all of my lenses yet! lol....but the thought has crossed my mind.

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  6. I know how you feel, but but hang in there. Everything will come & fall together as it should.
    You seem like a talented person, so I have a few ideas as to what you could do in the interm of finding a job.
    1. Volunteer somewhere you think would interest you. It could be very rewarding and get you involved in something.
    2. Shop for antique vintage finds and sell them, or refinsh them and then sell them. You have a good style and eye for things.
    3. Become a part time interior decorator. #2 and #3 could even be tied together. You could work with people who want to decorate their home but don't know how. There are so many out there!

    Hope some of this helps & all the best .

    Jenn

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    1. Thank you for all of your ideas! These are good ones...I should put them to thought.

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  7. Lauren,
    I love reading your blog! I hope you know that you are not alone. After being out of work for any amount of time it is stressful when looking for something. Sad when you do find something. Sad when you don't. It's the in between's that are hard. But the "in between's" are life. Literally.

    Just enjoy yourself and do things that make you happy. Your positive energy will put it out there and bring great things back to you.
    :)

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Thank you for all your comments & kind words!! I reply in the comments section so check back if you have a question :) xo