& No, we are not driving while I took this photo.
It's been awhile since I've been wordy on here. I guess I go through phases. Thought I'd share some words today along with some photos of the past week or so.
Things haven't been as happy & wonderful as usual. I think all of the changes going on with us right now could be the culprit. We've been distant from each other. Physically and emotionally. Ty started working overtime, so naturally he is home less. Since Scarlett's been in school full time (a learning-based daycare), there's been a lot of pressure on me to get a job. That's what I've been trying to do for the last couple months. The plan was for me to get a job and work full time, pick up some great health insurance for our family and save a little money. So when we signed Scarlett up full time at school, we thought, 2 or 3 months will be plenty of time for me to find a job. No problem! Well, here I am, 3 months later, still waiting on phone calls and doing interviews. We don't want to take Scarlett out of her school now. Not only does she know and like her teachers, but she will lose her place if we do. It's not easy to find a good spot here. They fill up quickly! When Ty comes home and asks how the job hunt is going, I feel like a complete failure when I have nothing good to report. Especially since I spend the majority of my day sending out resumes and calling.
I'm sure that this wears on me. Ty keeps telling me, "Don't worry, something will come along" But I am the hardest on myself. Ty is my rock. Always there for me, always positive and encouraging. Still, I think my moody behavior and the distance I've been putting between us is because I feel as though I'm letting him down. I've never felt this way in our relationship before. I'm almost positive that this is more of my mindset than his. I feel bad that I've been pushing him away. I guess that is my natural reaction. When things get rough, I slowly start to pull away, preparing myself for the worst. Building my wall up slowly. And then I remember that Ty won't walk away. Ty won't put me down or shut me out like I've had done to me so many times before. He stands next to me, no matter how much I push. God, I love him.
On top of that, I have been extremely bored since Scarlett's been in school. I've cleaned our house from top to bottom. The car is spotless. The laundry is done. I've been going to the gym everyday. I've organized everything I can get my hands on and even raked the yard and mowed the lawn. If you know me, you know that I love to keep busy. I'm not one to sit around and do nothing. I'm going stir crazy. I'm hoping that one of these jobs calls and gives me some good news. I don't ever remember it taking so long after interviews for them to let you know. I guess things have changed in the last 7 years since I've had to job search. I can't remember the last time I had so much free time to relax. Honestly, I don't like it. The saying, everything in moderation is truer than ever. Too much down time is not good for me. I'd rather be working full time and then soaking up Scarlett and Ty the rest of my time. I don't mind having a list of chores to do or a long To Do list.
I guess I've been feeling a little empty lately. Like I need something more. And I'm not really sure what that more is.
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On My Heart