Monday, January 2, 2012

Beautiful Bitterness

Memories....Ever notice how they can be such a wonderful thing, and yet, hold such sadness or pain at the same time? As much as I love making memories, sometimes....I wish them away.  I find myself hating the bitterness they can bring. Do you know how music can remind you of a past memory? Like, you hear a song on the radio and it brings you back to a certain time, perhaps a certain day, and every vivid detail starts running like a reel in your mind. 

It brings you right back to that very moment that it happened. And you think, I almost forgot about that memory....almost.

That happened to me recently. Only, it wasn't a memory that I wanted to remember. It was a memory that I had pushed out of my mind for a very long time. It was a memory that time had healed; or so I thought. But, in truth, I don't think time really heals everything. I think time buries. It buries memories deep in our minds of soil. Certain things can unearth those buried remnants that were once our lives. For me, it was a song I heard on the radio while driving. Bam. I was brought right back to that day. That one day...

I could remember what I wore. I could remember what I said; how I had to force the words from my mouth. I could remember my tears. I could taste the anguish I had caused. 
How even in my happy state, even where I am safe and loved now, how that one memory could slither back into my mind and make me feel it all over again. 

I guess those feelings are what make us...alive. They unravel our shell and expose who we once were and ultimately, who we are. Those not-so-fond memories tell a story of us. I don't think we should be ashamed of them or try to abandoned them. I don't think we should pretend they are forgotten or try to hide them. We should hold them and accept that they are a part of us. They changed us for the better, or for the worse, but still, they built us. They defined us and that is...a powerful realization. I've realized, if I can learn to embrace this beautiful bitterness, my life will become a more peaceful place. What we can't forget from our past, can make us beautiful now. Or, at least make us wiser. 

Plaid Blouse: Rebecca Taylor look-a-like
Navy Skinny Pants: Forever 21
Flower Ring: Forever 21
Boots: Old Navy
Polish: MAC nail polish in Nude

1 comment:

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