Saturday, February 13, 2021

It's Been Awhile...


It's been awhile since I've said some words here...

I've learned to give myself grace. Grace for the things that I just can't get to.  I've come to peace with it all. 

Which is a lot of things this past year. I cannot even recall the last time I had time to write. In fact, I have 7 posts full of photos but haven't had a breath to write about any of them. To catch you up....I had Vera back in January 2020 and was looking forward to a wonderful year with my new little one and opening our gym. Then pandemic, chaos, quarantine, riots, Ty left for work in DC, he couldn't visit back to TX because of restrictions, we somehow opened a gym still, I went back to work, my Nanny left, couldn't find another during a pandemic, election nonsense and now here we are. LOL.  I look back and cannot even believe it's been a year. 
I'm working full time again for a team based in NY and I help to run the gym on the side. The kids are thankfully back in school and have been since September. If it wasn't for that I would have lost my mind long ago. Our gym is staffed and up and running and I received the best news I could have gotten all year in October......
Ty was coming home for good! 

Y''s been a year, hasn't it? I think back to complaining about how hard my pregnancy seemed and I laugh. It was nothing compared to what I faced this year. And I know there are much harder things than what I went through this year. So I stay positive in that thought. 
All year, I continued to step one foot in front of the other and let myself have mini breakdowns here and there. Ha ha. But since Ty came back, life is happy again. 

Yes. Ty is back for good! For those who don't know, Ty works in specialized construction management (building things like semi-conductor plants and such). He traveled now and then for work. This was okay pre-pandemic as it brought us to new places such as NY and TX. But once we planted roots in TX and began our passion project of opening a gym, traveling couldn't happen as often. He ended up having to go to DC in the beginning of July and I basically became a single parent for 6 months. Normally, if he were to leave, we would go with him, but with the gym just starting and the kids in school, I had to make the decision to stay.  It was a really difficult time juggling it all as I had an infant, 2 kids virtual learning and I was going back to work full time while trying to launch the gym. It was chaos. That is an understatement. My mom said to me, "Lauren, you are one of the strongest women I know." And that sentence brought me through a lot of it. Life just keeps on going, doesn't it?  After 6 months of pure survival mode, I told Ty that something had to give because if not, I was going to have to give something up. I didn't want to continue to survive, I wanted to enjoy life again. Enjoy my kids and baby. 
Ty ended up taking a local job here so that we don't have to worry about him leaving again. AMEN!

I was so eager to get back to the things that I once was. I am not the girl I was prior to Ty leaving. Kids alone are a full time job. I have a whole new respect for single parents that I never had before. When Ty left, it was just 24/7, nonstop- no breaks ever. I stopped doing a lot of the things for myself because there just wasn't time. Not to mention I had a baby who never slept so I was often sleep deprived. Weekends were the only time that I got to workout (my stress reliever and coping mechanism) and to be honest, I had to sacrifice that for awhile so that I could get gym things done. I lost everything that I used to enjoy and let me tell you, motherhood without a break, is not fun. I'm not afraid to say that I am a better mother when I do things for myself.  Moments to regain my sanity and find myself. We all need even just an hour for ourselves to do the things we enjoy.  I missed slow moments. I have always loved being busy but this year has taught me that there is such magic in the slow times. I am grateful to have those slow moments back even if they aren't every day! Slow to us is just a regular busy to another...I understand that but I'm still okay with it.  The load I was taking on was the work of 3 people. No exaggeration. 
Subconsciously, I was afraid to be happy that Ty was coming back because all year, when we would take one step forward, something else would have us taking 2 steps back. I'm trying not to live in that mentality.

Man, just writing this is like the last several months of hardship are fading. It was hard to watch the kids cry when Ty would leave. It was hard to watch Vera cry when he would return, not know who he was. It was hard to maintain my sanity some nights. It was hard to think straight when I was working every second of free time that I had away from the kids.  It was......well, it sucked. But thinking back, I remember specific moments that were good. In between all that mess, there were moments that helped to ease the stress. Cereal parties with Maxwell on the couch. Just him and I cuddling and watching a movie together. We bonded a bit as he was the new man of the house. On many nights, he slept with his play sword next to him. He informed me it was his way to "protect the family". If he isn't a mini Ty, I don't know who is! Scarlett helped me tremendously with Vera. If it wasn't for her, I may have never showered or cooked dinner. Now that Ty is home, Scarlett and I have done a couple Mommy-Daughter dates.  Last weekend we went shopping together and hearing her say, "This was the best day ever!" just made motherhood worth it in one single sentence. 
Anyhow, life feels so much better with Ty back with us. We are still busy but it doesn't matter. We are together and that makes everything okay. The next few blog posts will be catching you up with photos and stories that we have made since October. Life is full of seasons. This one is a breath of fresh air compared to the last. I can taste it and man, how sweet it is. Here's some photos that bring me joy from the time when Ty was gone. Ones I don't want to forget. 

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