Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Back Home.

We traveled back to my home town the weekend after Thanksgiving and what a time warp it was.  The entire trip really made me reminisce about so many happy and good memories. Everything was the same and so much had changed all at the same time. I was raised here on this piece of land in the middle of Massachusetts. This little podunk town, that no has ever heard of, would easily be missed if you blink. And yet it's where half of my life has been spent and so many, many memories were born.
It was here that my dad bought me my first horse. A beautiful horse of 16 hands that I named Francefino. This horse who ran faster than any quarter horse I'd ever met, was my best friend through some hard times. It was here that I drove golf carts and buggies around our land, carting friends and laughing the entire time. It was on this seemingly futile land that I set up a VHS Camcorder with music playing from a large boombox behind me,  filming my first video debut. Back then, there were no limits and I was going to produce and direct movies. I was going to leave this tiny town behind and make things that made people smile....and cry and laugh and want to see more of. It was here that I raised 12 baby chickens after watching Fly Away Home and raised them to follow me around as if I really was Anna Paquin. It was here that I dreamt of what life would offer me.

I could go on and on with the memories. But they are gone now. Just little bits of life that I couldn't dare forget. Memories jotted down here in this little blog of mine. And despite how miniscule they were, they built who I am.  We lose that magic that lives inside of us, don't we? We outgrow it when we learn how cruel and raw the world really is. So many times I wish I could go back to the days when anything was possible. Or to just have a little bit of that mindset still living in me. How many great things we would do if we did.

Bringing my kids back here was really wonderful. I wish that we could visit more often. They had a blast!! First it was treasures in the attic. I was SHOCKED to find all of our toys still there in the boxes. The entire playroom that my sister and I had set up to be a school room was still there. 25 years later it was a bit dusty but the maps that I taped up on the wall stood there looking back at me, reminding me of all the greatness that happened back then. The art work that we had done and posted on the wall were in the exact same places. Such silence surrounded me and yet so many thoughts and memories flooded me. I could hear my sister directing her what class would consist of that day. A time warp. I cannot find the words to tell you what it felt like. It's very eye opening. It makes you think about things a little differently than you did just a few moments before. A little bit of that magic began to light up inside of me and I remembered all of the possibilities that seemed to come so easily back then.
The kids opened the boxes and squealed in delight over the treasures that they found. Scarlett found my sister and my Polly Pockets. There was one that had an ink pad inside of it. It STILL worked!

It was also so grand to watch Maxwell play trucks with my father. My dear dad who is a little bit softer looking than he used to be. He laid on the floor to help the pains that irk him when he stays in one place too long. But just the same he found a way to get down there and play Tonka Trucks with him. I imagine that my father looked a lot like Maxwell as a boy. And my father will tell you that he did indeed. Just as my father does, Maxwell has a fascination for trucks, construction vehicles and anything with wheels. We took a walk out back to see Grandpa's tractors and trucks. This too, was a walk down memory lane. I found my very first truck that my ex bought me years ago. An old red Ford that he bought for no more than $1000 bucks. The truck was a stick shift and I can't count how many times the thing died on me that one summer. But I still LOVE those memories of driving down near the beach, music playing and my old crank windows rolled down. Those musky cloth seats just as comfortable as could be.
The kids were amazed by my dad's Skidder and sure enough, my dad climbed right up there to start it up and show them. No aches or pains were going to stop him from that! Scarlett drove around with him. Then Maxwell took a ride with him on the small tractor as they pulled Scarlett around behind. Those big, old chains clunking against the ground as the wheels turned- they were an all too familiar sound of my childhood. I may or may not have taken a hundred photos this day. It was just too good. I pointed out landmarks as we walked around. "Scarlett, this is where my chicken coop was. And over here is where my horse would graze. Here is where we would ride the golf cart down to the woods and have camping trips. Look over here!!! This is Grandpa's old 69 Bonneville that he used to let me drive down dirt roads way before it was legal to do so!" 

Later on, Scarlett found a hole in a stuffed bunny and my step-mother got out her sewing kit to show her how it could easily be fixed. Scarlett has not stopped talking about getting a sewing kit since. We went out to a small pizza and grinder spot in town for lunch. The one thing I was SO excited for was to eat an actual grinder!! For those of you who are saying, "What in the heck is a grinder?" It is basically a sub, but just a little bit SO MUCH better when made in Massachusetts. We went back to the house and looked through old photo albums and the kids had way too much fun cracking nuts open with the old-fashioned nut cracker sitting on my dad's coffee table. My dad's loud and comical laugh was comforting. Stories were told and the kids had plenty of questions.

Sometimes you need to go back to remember where you came from. You have to return to your roots to see the big picture. It's funny to me. We lived in the same state my entire life. I thought I would live there my whole life. I've now lived in 4 different states and am currently living across the country from where I began. I think that it is intriguing and important to see new things and how differently people live in areas unlike our own. I also think that once in's just good to go home again. 

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