I am undoubtedly, a sucker for stories of love, even the heartbroken ones.
I am such a passionate person, myself when it comes to these subjects that it really hits home for me.
Bre from Oh Pish Posh, is one of my favorite bloggers to read. She is immensely talented in more than one way. Her writings intrigue me and have such incredible insight; like this one here. I can relate to her writings. I just had to have her here to share something with you all today....I asked her to share something along the lines of love/heartache.
She was gracious enough to share with us a very personal & raw topic for her....
Please meet Bre.
Every one of us has felt heartache at some point in our lives. Some more than others. There are different types of heartache you can feel. Recently I've experienced a heartache like none other I've felt before. Before diving in, I am not looking for sympathy. I don't feel depressed or unhappy. I feel a little lost, yes. A little sad, yes. But I'm not dying. You'll notice I try to downplay the situation by being as funny and lighthearted as possible. But I'm also known for being dramatic, so brace yourselves.
I've felt a lot of heartache when relationships end (let's just call it what it is, when guys dump me) and I'm still 'so in like' with the guy. But this heartache is so different. This is the feeling of wanting so badly for it to work out with someone but knowing that, at least right now, it can't. Are you with me?
Timing really is everything, isn't it? I used to think that was just something people said to soften the blow. "Maybe it's just timing." But now I'm not so sure. The hardest part about this kind of heartache is not wanting to move on. I don't want to move on. I don't want to get over it. I'm still hanging on even though there's really nothing to hold onto anymore.
I keep trying to remind myself of the reasons I didn't want to be with him. But there weren't any. I love everything about him. But something was missing. Something was always missing. Something completely unidentifiable and intangible. We both knew it we just didn't want to believe it.
And then it was over and I don't think I've ever cried that hard in my life. Sobbing is a more appropriate word. Add hysterically. Sobbing hysterically is more like what happened. It was like my best friend who I love so much was just taken from me. Well, it wasn't like that happened. That literally happened.
What are we supposed to with that? "Hey, we've been best friends for months but...see ya never!" It's not okay. But what's the alternative? Being just friends? In what world. Am I right? I'm not trying to be depressing here. In fact, I'm laughing as I type because I sound so pathetic. I'M PATHETIC, OKAY?
I'm not crying in my bed every night. Which is quite the feat considering that stupid gold shoe box full of everything about our relationship is just sitting in my closet staring at me while I read. And I can't bring myself to open it but I can't bring myself to throw it away. (It's not a stupid box. It's a nice box. I'm sorry for insulting you, box.)
It's also a feat considering the amount of white landcruisers in this town. Did you know that all white landcruisers somehow look like they don't have a front bumper from far away? Talk about heart palpitations. And I also get to drive past that tree every day on my way to and from work. Yes, there is another route but I don't want to move on, remember?
And then there's all of those things that remind you of him. Aren't they the worst? And most of them are such general things that there's no escaping them! Like, stop it radio! Why are you on such a Sting kick right now? Oh everyone is going sledding? That's just great. You're from California? You like the Lakers? You surf? You play football? Rugby? Sports in general? STOP THE MADNESS. It's so unfair.
But here's the thing that we all forget sometimes. Everything will work out eventually. Right now it seems like I'll never understand why it didn't work out. But I just keep reminding myself that someday it will all make sense. One of two things will happen. I'll find a man somewhere that will make me realize why it didn't work out with anyone else (stupid, cheezy, Pinterest quote) or it will work out with this guy that I miss so much. And all will be well.