Sunday, December 2, 2012

How We Keep Our Relationship fiery.

I hate that life is full of cliches. Cliches that sing, 
Once you get married and become a mother, you suddenly morph into a matronly old woman who stays in her sweatpants all day and doesn't like to do much but watch tv and complain about what her husband doesn't do. The passion dies & all is down hill from there. 

This is not true, for me anyway. 
Okay, well maybe I do wear sweatpants occasionally. But I 'm a mother & I've been with my fianc√© for a few years now. I can tell you, that life doesn't look like that for us. I still crave that dramatic love. I still yearn for excitement. I'm still the same person I was before all of it. 

Yes, I have my share of yoga pants & messy hair days. Truth: I get dressed as much as I did before I had Scarlett. Now, I dress both of us up.  I still do my hair and make-up. I still hate watching too much tv and I definitely love being spontaneous. The great thing about a good relationship is that it doesn't always have to be exciting and thrilling. When you are with someone who truly loves you, they are content in just hanging out on the couch with you or going for a walk after dinner.  But I am the type of person that craves passion once in awhile. So I keep it going. What is my key to keeping a relationship or marriage fiery?  I think mostly it just takes some effort. I always think about how incredibly intoxicating the first few months of our relationship was. That is where my motivation lies.

Here are 5 things that keep the spark going for Ty and I.....

1. Surprises. Remember when you were first together and you would do sweet things for each other? Why did it stop? A simple bouquet of flowers or a sweet note can make a girl's day. Same goes for the guys. I like to surprise Ty now and again. Men are much simpler than women actually. While I would love to have chocolate delivered, some thought-out romantic dinner or a surprise date night planned, Ty is happy with  a simple back massage after he gets out of the shower or when I pick him up a new shirt while I'm out shopping, instead of just thinking of myself. He loves when I watch an action movie with him for a change (It's the least I can do since he's watched Dear John and the Notebook umpteen times.) He lights up when I have dinner waiting on the table when he gets home, instead of making him help me after he worked all day. Sometimes, the simplest things can be the best things because you can afford to do them more often.

2. Spontaneity. A lot of times, life can feel routine or boring. That is actually a good thing because it means you don't have any real issues in life. But I like to spice things up by changing up our schedules once in awhile. I am not one who does well with the same old routine day after day. If I feel like I've been living in the kitchen, I may decide to go out to eat last minute, like I did here. When I say I get bored easily, I'm not lying. I am probably the only one who dreads taking a shower because it's...well, boring.  So once in awhile, I wait to shower and join Ty when he's home from work. 

3. Spice It Up. I was the girl who used to make Ty pull over on the side of the road just so I could kiss him. I am the girl who will excuse myself to go to the bathroom at a dinner party, to meet Ty in the hallway. I am very passionate in that way. When I love, I love dramatically. Once you have kids, stopping on the side of the road for a make out session isn't realistic. There's usually somewhere to be or something to do. But this is an option on date night.....We have fun, a lot.  Just because we have kid/s doesn't mean our love for each other has to take a back seat. In fact, our love comes first.

4. It's okay to Fight. I used to think that if we argued, we had failed. That if we fought, the relationship wasn't strong.  It took Ty and I over a year to actually have an argument.  Once we did, I was so upset that we had ruined our winning-streak. But now I understand that everyone will argue and have their moments. It makes a relationship stronger. Ever had a fight with your love and when you overcame the issue, you felt empowered and passionate? Getting over obstacles is a huge way to grow together.  It is healthy. The make-up session can be quite rewarding, too. ;)

5. Take Time Away. When we were first together, I wasn't used to being with someone so much. He was content in spending everyday with me and I needed my own space and time for me. As I fell more and more in love with Ty, I wanted to spend more time with him, too. I hate being away from him now and when I have to, I usually spend the entire time missing him. But spending time away can be really good. Like the saying, "Distance makes the heart fonder." This is true. When I spend a week in Mass here or there, I come back and I feel like I haven't seen him for an eternity. It's like we are a new couple who can't get enough of each other. Not everyone can spend a week away but sometimes a night out or a weekend trip with the girls will be just enough to make you run back into his arms once you are reunited. Ty doesn't like going out much. He's not a fan of bars or parties. He's an old fashioned soul in a 25 year old's body. I love that about him. Even so, I always tell him, "Go!" if the opportunity arises for him to go out with his friends. I think it's important to have a balance in life. As much as we hate to be away from each other, it teaches us to appreciate each other even more.

Do you have any tips for how you keep the spark in your relationship?? I'd love to hear them.

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  1. It's so lovely reading this. My husband works away and I miss him always and yet I'm so proud that we can handle it. We put in the extra effort and make it work. I love that you do not take your love for granted what a lovely example for your daughter. X

  2. love this-- such a great reminder!

  3. This was such a beautiful post!! Being spontaneous and making sure to mix things up is so important!! And I agree...fighing is necessary sometimes...I have to fight once in a feels good. :)
    And so does having your own space now and then!! You are a beautiful couple!

  4. Great post!! I love to wear pretty clothes even if I have day off from work and I do make up every day. :D

  5. LOVE the image... so very sexy and I think the key is adult time away from kids... only then can you really concentrate on being each other and being a couple.


  6. I believe in all the things you have shared but keeping the passion has to be at the top of the list.

  7. great post!!

  8. Your blog is pretty awesome!!

  9. great post and what an amazing photo!!!


Thank you for all your comments & kind words!! I reply in the comments section so check back if you have a question :) xo