It's Been Awhile...

 

It's been awhile since I've said some words here...

I've learned to give myself grace. Grace for the things that I just can't get to.  I've come to peace with it all. 

Which is a lot of things this past year. I cannot even recall the last time I had time to write. In fact, I have 7 posts full of photos but haven't had a breath to write about any of them. To catch you up....I had Vera back in January 2020 and was looking forward to a wonderful year with my new little one and opening our gym. Then pandemic, chaos, quarantine, riots, Ty left for work in DC, he couldn't visit back to TX because of restrictions, we somehow opened a gym still, I went back to work, my Nanny left, couldn't find another during a pandemic, election nonsense and now here we are. LOL.  I look back and cannot even believe it's been a year. 

I'm working full time again for a team based in NY and I help to run the gym on the side. The kids are thankfully back in school and have been since September. If it wasn't for that I would have lost my mind long ago. Our gym is staffed and up and running and I received the best news I could have gotten all year in October......

Ty was coming home for good! 

Y'all.....it's been a year, hasn't it? I think back to complaining about how hard my pregnancy seemed and I laugh. It was nothing compared to what I faced this year. And I know there are much harder things than what I went through this year. So I stay positive in that thought. 

All year, I continued to step one foot in front of the other and let myself have mini breakdowns here and there. Ha ha. But since Ty came back, life is happy again. 

Yes. Ty is back for good! For those who don't know, Ty works in specialized construction management (building things like semi-conductor plants and such). He traveled now and then for work. This was okay pre-pandemic as it brought us to new places such as NY and TX. But once we planted roots in TX and began our passion project of opening a gym, traveling couldn't happen as often. He ended up having to go to DC in the beginning of July and I basically became a single parent for 6 months. Normally, if he were to leave, we would go with him, but with the gym just starting and the kids in school, I had to make the decision to stay.  It was a really difficult time juggling it all as I had an infant, 2 kids virtual learning and I was going back to work full time while trying to launch the gym. It was chaos. That is an understatement. My mom said to me, "Lauren, you are one of the strongest women I know." And that sentence brought me through a lot of it. Life just keeps on going, doesn't it?  After 6 months of pure survival mode, I told Ty that something had to give because if not, I was going to have to give something up. I didn't want to continue to survive, I wanted to enjoy life again. Enjoy my kids and baby. 

Ty ended up taking a local job here so that we don't have to worry about him leaving again. AMEN!

I was so eager to get back to the things that I once was. I am not the girl I was prior to Ty leaving. Kids alone are a full time job. I have a whole new respect for single parents that I never had before. When Ty left, it was just 24/7, nonstop- no breaks ever. I stopped doing a lot of the things for myself because there just wasn't time. Not to mention I had a baby who never slept so I was often sleep deprived. Weekends were the only time that I got to workout (my stress reliever and coping mechanism) and to be honest, I had to sacrifice that for awhile so that I could get gym things done. I lost everything that I used to enjoy and let me tell you, motherhood without a break, is not fun. I'm not afraid to say that I am a better mother when I do things for myself.  Moments to regain my sanity and find myself. We all need even just an hour for ourselves to do the things we enjoy.  I missed slow moments. I have always loved being busy but this year has taught me that there is such magic in the slow times. I am grateful to have those slow moments back even if they aren't every day! Slow to us is just a regular busy to another...I understand that but I'm still okay with it.  The load I was taking on was the work of 3 people. No exaggeration. 

Subconsciously, I was afraid to be happy that Ty was coming back because all year, when we would take one step forward, something else would have us taking 2 steps back. I'm trying not to live in that mentality.

Man, just writing this is like the last several months of hardship are fading. It was hard to watch the kids cry when Ty would leave. It was hard to watch Vera cry when he would return, not know who he was. It was hard to maintain my sanity some nights. It was hard to think straight when I was working every second of free time that I had away from the kids.  It was......well, it sucked. But thinking back, I remember specific moments that were good. In between all that mess, there were moments that helped to ease the stress. Cereal parties with Maxwell on the couch. Just him and I cuddling and watching a movie together. We bonded a bit as he was the new man of the house. On many nights, he slept with his play sword next to him. He informed me it was his way to "protect the family". If he isn't a mini Ty, I don't know who is! Scarlett helped me tremendously with Vera. If it wasn't for her, I may have never showered or cooked dinner. Now that Ty is home, Scarlett and I have done a couple Mommy-Daughter dates.  Last weekend we went shopping together and hearing her say, "This was the best day ever!" just made motherhood worth it in one single sentence. 

Anyhow, life feels so much better with Ty back with us. We are still busy but it doesn't matter. We are together and that makes everything okay. The next few blog posts will be catching you up with photos and stories that we have made since October. Life is full of seasons. This one is a breath of fresh air compared to the last. I can taste it and man, how sweet it is. Here's some photos that bring me joy from the time when Ty was gone. Ones I don't want to forget. 

Weekend Vibes: Shopping, Getting Back into Routine & LOTS of Thoughts.

One of the things that I am truly grateful for and enjoy more than I prob let anyone know, are slow Sundays. Most know me as the always on the go, ready for an adventure, Lauren. And 85% of the time that is true. Every once in awhile, I absolutely love a day where I can just sit on the couch with Ty, coffee in hand and a cozy blanket. We let the kids stay in their pj's all day and make a mess of everything. We eat comfort food and watch movies together. The kids are really into the 80's movies that I've been picking lately. So far we have watched Harry and the Henderson's, Batteries Not Included and ET.  They are loving these films! And of course this makes me happy since I'm an old 80's movies junkie.

We are having a slow Sunday over here today. Watching football, meal prepping lunches for the week and yes, I'm having a glass of red wine. It's still 90's over here but I'm in a Fall mood and red wine just seems to go with that whole theme. It barely rained here in San Antonio all summer. And now it has been raining for about a week. Which we totally needed. This also gives us some time to chill and just hang out.

The last couple of weekends have been us getting ready for back to school and getting into the groove of schedules. We did a lot of online shopping but I did take the kids to pick out a few things since this gets them excited for school. I've been doing well with meal prepping for the week's lunches and meal planning for the week's breakfasts and dinners. (I am working on some new fitness and food posts for you all.)  I feel like it's easier to keep focused this way. I have a set schedule now and it has been SO much easier to workout and even get in daily walks/jogs. Life all around has been smoother. I have a love/hate relationship with routine. On the one hand it does make life so much easier. The kids love being in a set daily pattern. I think most kids thrive in this type of environment. But the free spirit side of me gets extremely antsy. Working from home has it's perks: no driving to work, I can work in sweats if I please & I get a workout in on my lunch....but After a few months, I am ready for some crazy adventures!!! I go a little stir crazy. And it's always been like this for me. I have learned to incorporate fun activities into our lives often so that I don't get burnt out with "routine".

Everything in moderation, right?

In other news.....I've come to the realization that I am missing our own house. We came here for a temporary move and so we rented a house. We are in a small 3 bedroom, 1 floor house. Coming from a 4 bedroom, 4 bath, large house on almost 2 acres with a private back yard and a big playroom AND workout area,  it's an adjustment in a lot of ways. AND it's not even the space that really bothers me. I honestly just miss decorating and updating- and having something that we know is ours. Ok it's the space too. Haha.
To be honest, I haven't really done anything here at our house in Texas. We moved here and bought all new furniture (we left most of our furniture behind in NY) and have left it like that since we moved in.

 Back in NY, the kids always had cute rooms themed to their liking. Partially because I wanted to make them smile and partly because I enjoyed decorating them. Here, they had mattresses on the floor with no beds for 3 months or so.  I did finally buy new beds. I JUST bought a new dresser for our room last month. I procrastinated for so long because I just told myself we are moving soon and so large totes all over the bedroom is acceptable. Everything that I brought to hang on the walls, I haven't. It just doesn't feel like our house.  When you have owned, it's hard to go back to renting. I'm not feeling the carpet and tile throughout this house (ugh, HATE carpet) and we have thee teeny tiniest backyard/outdoor area you have ever seen. We have never been out there without seeing one of the 5 abutting neighbors over the not-tall-enough fence. Granted they are all super sweet and friendly, I still miss having a private backyard. And Ty wants a new grill in the worst way, but it's silly to buy a new one when we have a built in one back home.  Update: We bought a grill. 

I have put off decorating altogether. I feel like we are staying at a hotel for a really long time. And I know it's not ours so what's the point to put all of this effort into something that we are only staying in for a little while? So I guess that is the reason why I haven't done much with our house here.

Since we have been here, I have been so busy with relocation details and trying to figure out schools, doctors, traveling and working on top of that, that I haven't even thought about it much. Once things came together and slowed down, I had time to think and I am realizing I miss decorating and having a home of our own. There are a lot of things up in the air right now. Some that I don't even want to think about right now because they are out of my control and some possibilities that could be really exciting. It's just a lot of unknowns and we won't know until closer to the end of the year. Ty and I talked about when we do leave, do we want to move back to our old NY house or build. I have seen MANY houses being in real estate and I can honestly say that I have never found a home that I thought would be perfect. So we think building is the route we will go. I think that is really the only way that we would get what we truly want.

My style has changed a bit over the years. But ultimately the basics haven't changed. I like an eclectic look. Some traditional, some modern and some modern farmhouse vibes.  I even love west coast feel so it's hard to pull that all together into one house. Everything I love is open, airy and bright. Lots of natural sunlight. TONS of windows. In fact, I love natural light so much that I want an entire wall to be one large folding or floor length window. It would have an open floor plan and a private backyard like our NY home has. Wood floors everywhere, lots of whites and neutrals. I can see it perfectly in my mind and even have a floor plan picked out.

For now I'll keep pinning on my Pinterest board and being ok with the idea that someday soon we will have a home that feels more like ours. When Ty accepted this job, we did so knowing that we wanted an adventure and that is exactly what we've gotten. Our intentions were to experience life differently. We've seen so many cool places, traveled and experienced all sorts of fun new things. It's been a great year and I am so thankful for that!!  And well, the year is not over yet. So we'll just continue on having fun until our next move comes about. Sometimes you just have to let life happen as it does. And often times, it comes together just how it's supposed to.

To all my NY people, I am envious of your sweaters and colorful leaves!! I'm living vicariously through your posts and photos. ;) Meanwhile, over here we are getting a "cool down" from the rain we've been having. We are seeing the 80's and it feels amazing! I hope you are all getting settled back into routines and getting back in the groove of schedules this Fall.

Weekend Vibes: Rodeo & Roseanne

This post is from a couple of months ago but sometimes I just sit on them waiting for the right time to post. And with all that has happened with Roseanne lately, I just felt that it was a bad yet good time to post.
It's no secret that my posts as of lately may look a lot more country then before. It's not us. It's just Texas. And we love that. We went to our first Rodeo back a couple months ago.  I was told it was like a fair ground. I am used to the east coast's County Fairs. The Big E to be exact. And to be honest, I was a tiny bit disappointed by the Rodeo here. In all fairness, it's more about the actual rodeo than the other stuff but I am a sucker for fair fried foods, old rickety rides and lots of animals and shows. They did have that here, but...it was not in a traditional field of nothing (fairground) like I am used to. It was on cement that gave it more of a non-country feel. I guess sometimes you just like what you grew up doing. And in this case, I had to give my points to the Big E back home. Still, we had fun watching a dog show, eating chicken waffle sticks, which we had never had, and watching the livestock.

So now onto Roseanne. Sigh. I have had so many people ask me what I think about this whole debacle and I honestly am just sad. Sad that a show I loved (and trust me when I say I rarely watch tv) and that I waited FOREVER to return to TV, is now gone. Just like that. I will say that no one ever knows the exact true story or reasons for things.  So I don't feel that I can really speak about it besides saying that I wish she hadn't said stupid things that ruined a great show for so many.

Back in March, Ty took me to see the Roseanne pop up in Austin. They recreated an old store into the Lunch Box and had some of the cast there for trivia, loose meat sandwiches, pie, Canogo beer and signed posters. I was living my dream here!! I won a chicken sweatshirt for knowing the answers to trivia questions and I got to talk and take a photo with DJ (Michael Fishman). It was a really cool experience for this Roseanne fan. I am a total nerd, I know. The funny thing is I did not grow up watching Roseanne. I was actually too young when it first aired and I wasn't allowed to watch it when I got older. I began watching it in my early 20's,  in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. I think it was Nick at Night or TV Land. I just got so hooked on this show. It was so real and I had never seen a show that just brought up the raw stuff that no one talked about. I got attached to it and it just never left me. I watch Roseanne every night before bed, and laugh no matter how many times I've seen an episode. I am really glad that I got the opportunity to go since, it looks like Roseanne won't be back. It was a fun experience.

Welcome to the Family!!

I really do believe that there are right and wrong dogs for different families. When Scarlett was 3, we bought a French Bulldog. Mostly because we wanted her to have a companion. She has been an animal lover since she could first talk.
I pretty much listened to what the breeder was telling me (mostly all lies) and didn't really do any of my own homework. Let's just say that it was a horrible fit. I am a clean freak. It drove me insane the amount of fur that would gather...EVERYWHERE. They told me she would be a very calm dog. HA! Then she decided she wanted to pee on every. single. bed that we bought her. I think I went through about 25 (no exaggeration) and finally I just stopped buying them. She also peed on every single piece of furniture we had. She was extremely challenging to housebreak and she just wasn't the kind of dog that wanted to please us...ever. She would jump up on the couch to pee in the middle of it!!! I had never heard of a dog who wanted to pee were she slept! We brought her to the vet to see if she had anything medically wrong with her. Nada.

When I got pregnant with Maxwell, I spent the whole pregnancy trying to train her and prepare for when I wouldn't have much time to focus on her after the baby was born. When Maxwell arrived, I just couldn't do it anymore. The new baby was going to take so much energy and time and I was still dealing with the dog who wouldn't pee or poop outside and was acting up non-stop. I decided it was the right thing to do to find a family for her that could spend the time that it took to train and take care of this diva frenchie. Luckily for us, a family member had been dreaming of owning a Frenchie and so Ula found her happy place with them. She is thriving there now without any of the issues she used to have and even has a Boston Terrier sister who keeps her company.

Looking back, I wish we had researched a lot more before we had executed. But you live, you learn. I actually vowed to never get a dog again after the experience I had. And if I did, I wanted it to be an older dog.
Scarlett is older now and an even bigger animal lover!  She tells me that she is going to be an Animal Rescuer when she gets older and live on a Rescue Farm. I can see it. She has been begging us for a pet for SO long. I keep saying, once we settle down, we will get one. In the meantime, I had been researching breeds just to see if there could possibly be a dog that would fit our family. For me, it had to be a family type of dog. One that wasn't too hyper and one that wouldn't shed. Also, it had to be smart. That was my criteria. I came across some silly quiz online that I took. It told me our perfect dog would be a Golden Doodle. I had never heard of this type of dog but as I started asking around and researching more, I started to think that maybe this really was the perfect breed for us! The poodle in them makes them smart as a whip! The Golden Retriever in them makes them great family dogs. They also don't shed because they have hair and not fur. This is MY kinda dog! So I decided that one day, we would look into getting a Golden Doodle.

Well, one day came a little sooner than I anticipated. For Scarlett's birthday, we decided to bring her to the pet store just to pet animals and possibly get a small caged animal like a hamster or a lizard. Of course they had 2 adorable and irresistible Mini Golden Doodles just looking out the window at us. We decided to go into one of the booths to play with them. I fell HARD for this little fluff ball of a pup. He was playful but had a calm sense about him. He looked up at me with his teddy bear face and I could tell this was just a smart, sweet dog. If you know me, you know that I am not a dog person really. (Mostly because of the maintenance) but I looked up at Ty and said, I want him.  10 minutes later we were putting a deposit on him. We didn't tell Scarlett. We figured we would let the kids be surprised when we picked him up a couple days later. We went shopping for puppy stuff and Scarlett thought that we were buying it all so that her and Maxwell could play "Bumper", a very exciting game where Scarlett is the human and Maxwell is Bumper the dog. She walks him and feeds him and sets up cages for him. It's the funniest thing ever! She had literally NO idea that we were going to bring home a dog in just a few hours. When we went to pick him up, we went back into the petting booth to play with him one last time. There we told her that we were bringing him home. At first she didn't quite grasp that we were saying she COULD TAKE HIM HOME. But once she asked a couple questions and figured it out, she was jumping up and down and hugging the dog. She was over the moon happy!!

Then it came time to pick a name. Scarlett wanted Cubbie and Maxwell wanted Benny. We all know he's a Benny Goodman fan;) But we have a dog name Cubbie now so you can see who won that battle. Ha. We took a family vote and when it was 50/50 (Team Maxwell/Mama and Team Scarlett Daddy) We flipped a coin and Cubbie it is! It is suiting since he looks like the most adorable bear cub I've ever seen! We've had Cubbie for a week now and I am thrilled with him. I anticipated a hard first few weeks with the puppy. I remembered what it was like with the Frenchie. But honestly, this is the smartest pup! At 11 weeks old he goes outside on cue and has only had a handful of mistakes! We just purchased one of those bells that go on the door so that when they have to go pee, they ring it!!

Even though the timing was a little off with us renting here, and moving again soon, we are thrilled with our new family member. He is such a cute little fur ball and I can honestly see him growing old with our family. The kids can't leave him be. This dog sure is loved! My advice for anyone thinking about getting a dog/puppy. DO YOUR RESEARCH. Don't get something that is not the right fit for your family. There is a family for every dog but I 100% believe everyone needs to find the perfect match before just buying.

I'm sharing the video here of the day we went back to pick him up below :D

Intentions in Lajitas & Big Bend.

 Our trip to Lajitas and Big Bend was absolutely amazing in every way. Ty and I are celebrating 5 years of marriage this spring. Yeah. If you do that math I had kids before I got married. I've never been one to follow rules. ;)
We wanted to go to the desert. Originally we had planned to go to Sedona AZ but we had some sitter issues and weren't sure if the sitter was going to be able to come or not. Not wanting to make flight reservations without knowing if we could go, we decided to check out driving options. I am SO glad that we did. I discovered Big Bend National Park which is on the border of Mexico. My sister used to live not far from there and told us if we ever got the chance, to go. When I looked into it, I thought, "Why in the world are we traveling away from TX when there is so much beauty right here!" And so not fully knowing what to expect, we booked Lajitas Golf and Spa Resort. We met 3 different travelers along our trip that had also been to Sedona and said that it was pretty, but nothing compared to Big Bend and west Texas. And after a few days there, I understood exactly why they said this. My photos, video and words can't describe how beautiful it was there. If you ever get the chance, GO there. Everything from Terlingua to Presitos to Big Bend itself, it was just so inspiring.
While on our getaway, not only did I get some r&r, I also came to some realizations.

 There was very limited cell service there in the desert. Meaning, I couldn't use my phone unless we were in our hotel room where there was wifi. On arrival, I was rather bummed about this. How would I stay connected to the kids back home or what if there was an emergency?! How would I share all of the wonderfulness or post to Instagram for Heaven's sake! Ha ha. I'm laughing now because I find it so intriguing how quickly we become enraptured by technology. How dependent we become of it. I am guilty, guilty, guilty of this. For the first entire day, I was constantly picking up my phone to post something or check for messages. Only to disappoint myself when I realized I couldn't. I also found that it was almost unsettling how I had forgotten to just enjoy the moment or live in the now. I didn't know what to do with myself!  I am the kind of person who loves to be on the go most of the time. I love excitement happening all the time. It feeds my wild soul. But there were no kids to keep track of or chase after. There was no Facebook to check on or Instagram to reply to messages or post. There was just this magnificently beautiful place, Ty.....and me.

By the end of day one, I felt a sense of peace come over me that I had not felt in a very long time. I felt that Ty and I had connected more than we had in weeks. It just felt GOOD. 
Of course, being the "moment-collector" that I am, I took a thousand photos and videos. Ty helped. But it was different. I was disconnected from all of the noise.  I think that is a great word for it, noise. It is refreshing and so placid to be able to just sit and listen to the quietness of nothing after being caught up in noise for so long. I work at home everyday and it's as quiet as can be. I'm talking about that static noise of constant pressure to be connected to social media, or listening to crying kids, or dealing with work or cooking dinner, meal prepping, or stress from school or whatever it is that piles up on your plate week after week!....The things that bury your serenity. I am trying to structure my words so that people don't misunderstand this. I love working and being busy. I love raising my babies. God do I love them!  I love being inspired or connecting with amazing people on Instagram and staying in touch with on Facebook. I love being busy! But I must say how amazingly freeing it is to let all of that go for a period of time and push reset.

And that is exactly what we did in Lajitas and Big Bend and all the small towns in between. We pushed the mute button on all of that noise. In return, we gained something that I could never attain without letting go of the noise.

We laughed and talked about things that I didn't realize we hadn't talked about in a very long time. We sat and listened to silence on the top of a mountain, looking down on the Rio Grande. We trailed through winding roads with the music blasting and the top down. I hung out of the top of a convertible and let my hair go wild while I sang my favorite songs. We had a picnic in the middle of the desert and drank Topo Chico on the back of the convertible. We found teepees and explored trails. We had dinner overlooking Mexico and breakfast over the unexpectedly green golf course in the middle of the desert. We sat by campfires at night, chatting with locals. We walked the golf course to watch the sunrise, coffee in hand. We relaxed for some glorious couples massages. We zip-lined the Mexico border and yes, I even got my anti-roller-coaster husband to join me! We rode horses into the sunset and then drank wine at the top of the mountain. We splashed by the pool and laid in that wonderful southern sun. We stopped at tiny gas stations-Ty filled up on gas and I took photos of trains going by. We watched how the people there lived so much more quietly than we have ever seen. So slow and intentional. Inspiring. I laid in Ty's lap while the stars came out...just thinking and talking about our dreams, what we wish we had done differently, about the future.

If this sounds too good to be true, well...I thought the same. And it was in one of those moments-me laying there thinking about how lucky I am to be able to live these moments, that it just hit me. Bam. Like that. These moments happen all of the time. Maybe not in such astonishingly beautiful surroundings, but they do happen. We forget how fortunate we really are and all of the wonderfulness in our lives. We miss so much of it because of all the distraction. I decided right then and there that I wanted to be intentional. I would set intentions to live in the moments and let less of the noise interfere with the things that make me soar.

Does this mean I am quitting social media? No. I am merely being purposeful with my time. Setting boundaries and being intentional with my time. When I'm with the kids, I will be there, with them, giving my attention fully. When I am working, I will put my full focus on that. When I am with Ty, there will be nothing else in the world that could draw me away. And when I'm writing a blog post or posting an Instagram photo, it will be my time to enjoy creativity. When I was there with no service,  I had to video or photograph everything and post it later. I found that was a great way to be purposeful with moments. I can still document or take photos or video without taking 15 minutes to edit or message or scroll, therefore making me miss the good stuff. There will be time to edit, post or reply to messages later. These are my intentions and I have Lajitas to thank for this profound awakening. And if it all starts to creep back in, well, there's always another getaway waiting to remind us ;)

Also, a bunch of you asked about the music I was listening to on my stories while we were away. I will put together a playlist of the music I love and share that with you.