Saturday, April 8, 2017

An Honest Narrative of Life Lately & Music on Repeat.

Life lately...
well......things are good. Ty and I seem to be in sync lately and I love that feeling. This winter we went through a bit of a rut......low or I don't know what you would call it really.  Not that I like to divulge my personal downfalls but you guys know me, I keep it real. To be vague, I just felt like Ty and I were not really seeing eye to eye on a lot of things and it seemed distance was between us more than less. Thankfully, I married someone who understands that marriage is not without hardships. I feel lucky...often. To have someone that doesn't give up on me. Because let's be honest, I know I have many flaws. I feel like I'm the one always struggling to be better, to understand why I do and feel certain things. To comprehend how my heart pushes and pulls without my consent.
Yet no matter how much I fail him, he pulls me back in and says, "I don't care. I love you". irreplaceable.

And each time, I learn that the reason he does that is because of his unconditional love for me. It teaches me to be And each time it brings us closer and makes me softer. I mean, love like that is really the only thing that can mend broken parts. And that's all I was when I first met Ty. Broken parts. In fact, I'd say that when we first met, I was a lost cause. I had given up in so many ways. I expected the worst and I didn't have one ounce of hope for love left in my system. I was merely looking for "another vice". It was Ty's fire for not quitting that won me over. It is that same fire that keeps me burning when I feel depleted even to this day.  Oh we have our share of fights, lows, fall-outs and ruts. Times when we don't understand each other and times when we feel oceans apart. Times when we let each other down and times when we have to walk away....But man, do we love each other. And when things are good, they. are. good. We both keep on loving. I often thank God that others gave up on him so that I had the chance to make him mine.

We are both busy with work and our weekends are filled with birthday parties, horse lessons and snuggling on the couch with the kids. I guess that is the only good thing about crappy weather. It gives us the opportunity to get a little closer. Still, I CANNOT wait for sunny days by the pool and warm summer nights. It's the long, cold days that make me understand how much I love that glorious season. I reminisce back to summer quite often. Back to when Ty and I would sit out on the porch with drinks in hand after the kids were fast asleep. The warm summer air is something that I could never tire of. You could hear the water splashing into the pool from the spouts. I'd be playing whatever my soul desired for music at that moment. Usually Frank Sinatra, Lana Del Rey, Cat Powers or Sam Cooke....I'd lay my sun kissed legs over his lap and sing the lyrics as he smiled at my unashamed solo. It was in those nights of summer that my heart beat a little faster and even if I tried, I couldn't forget the feelings that they gave me. Of course they always ended with his hands in my hair, my skin on his and those songs playing over and's all engrained in my memory forever. Summer is by far my favorite season.
And I guess sometimes it takes a long, cold winter to truly appreciate the sun. 

Songs on repeat to listen. 

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