Exhale.

Scarlett's procedure went well. The hospital was wonderful and I couldn't have asked for better doctors or nurses. Oliver the dog came around and met all the kids waiting for surgery. I was a mess of a mother who held it together until they took her from my arms. Walking down the hall to the waiting room, Ty asked, "Are you okay?" Why did he have to ask that? I was doing just fine until I heard that strong, deep voice that's always there to catch me, ask me that one little question. I broke down in sobs and of course, he held me like he always does. And he said, "Everything's going to be fine, love."
Seven minutes in the waiting room, the nurse called, "Scarlett's parents?" I jumped up like a kid waiting to ride a carnival ride. The doctor was ready to see us. They told us that she did excellent but most likely she would wake up from anesthesia inconsolable and that we shouldn't be alarmed. I braced for the worse.  As they walked us to the post-op room, I remember thinking, 'I don't want her to wake up and think we aren't there. I want her to see us and know we are there.' As the double doors swung open, we saw a curly-haired babe swaying a bit in the nurses arms, smiling and waving her orange popsicle. "Mama! I got orange!" her little voice hollered to us. I ran to her and squeezed her little, floppy body. She was as happy as can be. 
The nurse shook her head smiling, "They rarely wake up like this."
 I wouldn't expect anything less from my little rebel. She is brave and fearless. I envy her in that way.
My tiny girl has been doing wonderful since the surgery. She has been happier and seems lighter, more free in many ways. As if she knew that she wouldn't have to take medicine any longer and as if she could sense that those hard days were in the past.  She did get sick this weekend with a cold and I am thrilled to say that we did not have to go to the doctors! Her little body fought it off all on it's own. I thank God for this….truly.

It feels wonderful and almost strange to not have to rely on antibiotics to heal her. It's a relief unlike any other. I have been trying to rest up myself, make sure I keep ahead of the mono that I was diagnosed with a couple weeks ago-But it's definitely a hard task when you have a toddler, a naughty pup and full-time job. I wasn't aware how long that this nasty virus can last!  Most days I dream of what it was like to work part-time again. Some days I try to remember what it felt like to want to work at all. As I bank every bit of money that I make in an account labeled, Scarlett, I try to keep positive, knowing it's for her. I want her to have opportunity. Some days I feel my body begging to lay down and just sleep….for hours. I struggle to keep my eyes open and tell myself, this is the mono and it will pass. And so life goes on.

Ty and I went away to the beach last weekend. He had a Presidents event for his MC club. I tagged along to visit a friend or two... I used to live at the beach back in my late teens/early twenties. It was nice to put my feet in the ocean again. It's been awhile. We stayed the night there while Scarlett stayed home with her Grandpa. I must admit, the best part of the entire weekend was the ride home. Over the last month or so, Ty and I had become distant. Playing the motions and going with the routine seemed like the norm. Ty has been working a lot again and it has left little time, yet again, for us. But on the beautiful ride home through Vermont to New York, we reconnected again. We had breakfast together and stopped to see some beautiful views in the mountains. Ty picked out the sweetest souvenir for Scarlett, some polished stones in a bag. I honestly didn't even care that it was Mother's Day. I was just glad to have Ty beside me and Scarlett waiting for us when we got home. He made it the best day ever by just giving me 100% of his attention and as always, his love. I have spoken numerous times about my struggle with contentment and boredom and there are days when I look at myself and think, you are foolish. I am blessed beyond belief and like a human, I always find the minescule bad in all the good that I have.  Then, God gives me days like that Sunday drive home when I realize, I am exactly where I want to be. I have everything I want.

By the end of the week, I felt like a hundred pounds had been taken off of my shoulders. Such weight I had been carrying around for weeks. Worry about Scarlett, worry about Ty and I, and  a lot of unsure feelings. When I laid down Sunday night next to Ty, it was like it all went away and finally, things were looking up for once. Life is full of those, right? Ups and Downs. I should be aware of them and not freak out every time a hill gets in our way. Yet, they do make the journey interesting and we always come out just where we belong. I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm very much aware of that. As this weekend comes to an end, I'm thankful that I can hold my family tight and exhale, knowing that everything's going to be alright……



PS. Scarlett's 3rd Birthday photos will be up soon :)