Thursday, March 29, 2012

We are Rich...

I can't think of anything I would rather do than spend a day out in the sun with my baby girl. 
It was there, playing outdoors on a glorious day, that I began thinking about how rich I am.
Since I stopped breastfeeding, Scarlett began sleeping through the night.  Sleep was received with open arms! But I didn't expect to miss getting up numerous times in the night with her.  I missed when she'd hold her little arms around me at 2 am and 4:30 am.

Last night, she was sick. Runny little nose. 
Congested tiny baby. 
She's been sick a lot since I weaned her.
Breast Milk=Good Stuff

I hated that she was sick. But I was loving the fact that she wanted to cuddle me.
I would try and lay her down and she would whimper.
I picked her back up....she was content.
I laid down with her small face resting on my chest & we stayed like that for awhile. Ok, for like an hour. 

I held her and rocked her.
I thought:
Soon, my little girl will be a big girl. Oh time, stop...if just for a moment, let me linger here tonight.
We may not be wealthy.
But boy, are we rich. 

Thank you God, For Baby Scarlett. 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Spring Wish List.

Spring began March 20th! I was so wrapped up in the 80 degree weather that I forgot all about it.  I know it seemed like summer, last week, but technically....Spring just started. It has me wishing for some of my spring crushes.

Spring Wish List

Hel Och Ren white shirt
$45 -

Ruffle skirt
$40 -

Balenciaga handbag
$1,695 -

Stella dot jewelry
$34 -

Phase Eight floppy hat
£30 -

Mango square aviator sunglasses
£18 -

$15 -

Clarins beauty product
$34 -

Gap Embroidered Tulle Dress
$44 -

Layette Polka Dot Swimsuit
$58 -

Gund Fuzzy Pig Toy
$15 -

Jessica Simpson Vivian
$38 -

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Wild & Free

Life. It's crazy and wild and comes at you without asking. 
It's beautiful.
I sometimes ask myself, what in the world am I doing?
Answer: I haven't got a clue.

I've been like that most of my life. Untamed and free. Living on a whim.
I've always done what I wanted, when I wanted.

 If you asked my mother, she would tell you that I have always been a wild child. 
Just when you thought you knew who I was, I surprised myself and others with something new.
I am eclectic in many ways.
And even though I may not be as wild as I once was, that fire still lives in me. 
It is who I am. 
I love excitement. I love that feeling.

I'll admit, I am extreme at times...
I live with all that's in me.
I laugh a lot. I love hard.
When I'm angry, I'm irate.
I am random and act on a whim.
Sometimes I'm a tad dramatic & at times, I'm moody.
And when I'm cared about, I am fiercely loyal.
But in all of that, I am wild & free...
In a different way then before.
In a GOOD way.

Blouse: Lulu's
Mismatched Bracelets: Lulu's
Black Corduroys: Kohls

Monday, March 19, 2012

Excerpts From Diary: Again

Excerpts From A Diary Archive
Copyright 2010 © Lauren Hutchinson

Into Dust by Mazzy Star on Grooveshark
"Into Dust" Mazzy Star

"..... I met him again tonight. 
I cannot seem to stop myself. 
It's like watching a disaster unfold and not being able to stop it. The only difference is, I don't think this is going to end up a disaster. 
In truth, I don't think this is going to end at all.

 I met him at the beach. Of course I had to look around cautiously before parking. There are so many things at stake. He was waiting for me on his motorcycle. The way he sat on his bike holding his helmet made me forget, once again, any of my concerns. It was like I had all these reservations but as soon as he came into sight, everything faded and seemed unimportant. He handed me a helmet and I hopped on the back. 

If I could relive moments from my life, that bike ride would be among the top 10. 
It was an amazing feeling to hold onto him and let him have complete control of my life. Freeing. 
He is still a stranger to me in many ways. 
Yet, I feel happier with him than I have in quite some time.

We rode down back roads in the warm August afternoon. 
My hair danced in the wind behind me. The adrenaline rushed. 
Partly because we were speeding rapidly on a motorcylce down an unknown, winding road. 
Mostly because I was holding him....."

".....We went to the drive ins tonight. We stuck a futon in the bed of his truck and laid there gazing at the stars for awhile. Talking. Enjoying each other. 
To be honest, I have no idea what movie was playing...Not one person in this world knows that I am in love with him. Not one. 
Not one person in this world knows what I'm about to do.

There are so many perplexing things in this life that I don't understand.
So many outcomes and risks. I have never taken a chance like this. He makes me feel...better. I remember now who I used to be. I used to be a happy girl. Happy like this. I guess that is why I have to see him again....."

Saturday, March 17, 2012



Sweater Wrap: Old Navy/ Jeans: American EagleRain Boots: TJ Maxx
Hand Bag: Tommy Hilfiger/ Belt: Thrifted

Do you ever feel like you are waiting for the rain?
Like you waste valuable time anticipating the storm?
Clouds pass above and you can't help but think, 'Here comes the rain...'

I feel like that a lot. 

I'm going through some personal stuff right now.
I try to remember that after the storm, the sun will come out again.
I tell myself that the best things in life, never come easy. 

The best things are worth fighting for.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Leopard Print, Babies & Shopping.

I'm always sad to see weekends go.
We always have such good times.
We shopped downtown. 
Scarlett got some Saratoga Springs mementos.
And I got a few trinkets for Scarlett's Birthday Party which is approaching quickly.

Scarlett is spoiled with shoes and clothes.
She got some new shoes since she has outgrown most of hers.
Besides, she needs some spring shoes & sandals.
The weather was warming up over the weekend.
I have spring fever like crazy!!
I want shorts & tank top weather!!!
I want toe nail polish and sunglasses weather!!
I want maxi dresses & sun hat weather!!
AND I was on a mission to find some Current/Elliot Leopard Skinny Jeans.
I was really happy that I found some a whole lot cheaper at Target.

Green Shirt: H&M
Leopard Skinnies: Target
Black Wedges: Target
Emerald & Gold Bracelet: Forever21
Tank: American Eagle

Thursday, March 8, 2012

My Scarlett List.

 Today was another day.
Of Breakfast....Of laundry & errands.
Of party planning & shopping.
Of spending lovely time with Baby Scarlett.
As I walked with Scarlett through our New York neighborhood on a very lovely day,
 I looked down at my baby who is now a big 10 month old.
I watched her screech and talk of baby babbles.
Her little face so animated. So cute.
She is growing up  fast.
I began thinking about who she would be.
What kind of a person she would become?
Children are more advanced than we sometimes think.
They are extremely smart in their simplicity.
A person's childhood is massively important in who they become.
What they learn, how they learn.
It molds who they will be as an adult. 

I want Scarlett to be a beautiful person. Inside.
I want her to be a kind person who is good to others. 
I want her to know what is really meaningful in life.
If I want her to be a good person, I need to start now.
I started to think about how I can raise her so that she understands what is really important in life and what is only artificial. I started this list of things that I want to do for Scarlett.
A memory list of all the things that I want to teach my baby.
When I got home from our walk, I wrote them down.

I am in charge of this small life. 
I want to make sure she has the chance to be the best person she can be.

My Scarlett List:

1) Do good for Others. On holidays, Scarlett will get some gifts. But we will also buy toys, food or clothes together & bring them to a charity. Maybe do a Secret Santa for a child in need. Talk to her about how others are not as fortunate and that we need to help when we can.

2) Show her love. Every day, every moment. Showing her love will help her express love. I will not stop telling her I love her every. single. day. I will tell her that love is the most important thing in this life. Not money, not material things. Just love. Love for herself, God and others.

3) Be careful with my words & actions. Children are smart. Scarlett will pick up on how I treat others: Ty, my family, my friends. She will hear what I say & this will impact her. I will treat others how I want her to treat people in the future.
An example: The other day, Ty and I were goofing around. He squeezed my side or something & I playfully yelled at him to stop. Scarlett, at 10 months old, looks over at me and gave me a, "Are you okay?" look. She could sense that my tone was loud and she was worried, scared. I had to go over to her and tell her it's okay. Mommy & Daddy were just playing. But this shows how in tune, even babies are to what is going on around them.

4) Talk to her. I will talk to her about everything. I will be honest with her. And if she asks me questions, I will answer her. Ty has a cousin who has a little girl. She doesn't baby talk to her daughter. She speaks to her like an adult. She explains things to her as she would anyone else. Her daughter is a very smart little girl. I think she has the right idea with this approach.

5) Teach her good values. I will explain to her that she should be kind to everyone. That everyone is different but God made us all special in our own way. I will tell her that some people are cruel. And that  others might not always be nice to her. But we have to be an example. Not to worry too much about them, But if she ever feels hurt, to come to me. When she is older, I will tell her my stories as examples.

6) I will discipline her. I know that being a mother isn't always a bowl of sunshine. Some days are really hard. There are going to be times when Scarlett makes mistakes or tests me or tests herself. She can't be the best person that she can be without discipline. I promise I will be there for her by setting rules and consequences. Make sure she understands the meaning of respect.

7) Give her some Religious Exposure. I want Scarlett to know about God and have exposure to christianity so that when she is older, she can decide for herself about God. She can take her experiences and what she's learned and put them together. I won't have to force religion on her. I will only show her what I feel and how I believe and let her make those connections. I will pray with her every night and bring her to church whenever I can.

8) Teach her to strive. I want Scarlett to do the very best that she can. I don't care if her life goal is to be a Doctor or to be a waitress. But whatever she wants to do, I want her to get the chance to do it. I will help her with her school work, I will tell her she can no matter what. I will save money for her so she can go to college if she wishes to. I will teach her the value of money. Maybe let her get a job when she's old enough or pay her an allowance if she volunteers somewhere.

9) I will give her choices. Whenever I can. I will let her choose. Soccer or ballet. I will let her choose an outfit I put together or a mismatched one that she picked. University or Community College. I think it's important for them to learn decision making, even if they make the wrong choice once in awhile. You can't learn about life if you aren't given choices.

10) Last, I will be there for her. No matter what. I will always be there for my baby girl. No matter if she lets me down, makes bad decisions, goes through a rebellious phase, or just needs someone to cry with. I will be there for her no matter if she is 4, 16, or 35. I will tell her that she can come to me with any problem. No matter how wrong or bad the problem may be, I won't punish her for telling me. If it is truly on her heart, she can come to me.  I will listen. I will give her space. I will give her advice. I will comfort her. I will cry with her. I will hold her.
I will be her mother.