Friday, August 3, 2012

Pieces Of This (Different) Week.

This week has been different than I expected. First off, if you didn't already know, I'm away from Ty right now. I packed up, yet again, and headed to Massachusetts for the week. Can I just tell you that I am utterly lonely without Ty.  But, there are things that need to be taken care of at our Massachusetts house so I'm sucking it up and getting things accomplished. I have known for a couple of weeks that I was going to be back here. So I decided to ask a few friends if they wanted to visit while I'm back. I had fun with every one of them. But for some reason, that is no fault of theirs, I felt like I lost touch with them.  I can't put my finger on why that is.  I'm sure living over a hundred miles away is one reason. Does long distance really put a damper on friendship?? Last week ,I thought no and this week, I'm not sure. I wish that I could see them more often is all.
Scarlett won't fall asleep here by herself. I can't blame her. She doesn't remember this house. Our real home. To her, home is back in New York with her familiar crib, her baby, Number 9(a sock monkey), and all of her blankies. To her, home is where Daddy walks in the front door and where she's been for most of her life. I love New York. In fact, if I could pack my entire house and bring it there (with friends and family of course), I'd be one happy girl. But this house, is the house I bought all by myself. It is the house that Ty and I painted and decorated. It's our first home together. It's the house that we brought Scarlett home from the hospital to. Her room still holds her name on the walls. But she has yet to sleep one night in her desolate crib. When we come home here, she is so out of sorts, that she will only fall asleep in my bed with me. Then, I put her gently in her mini crib next to my bed. If you knew Scarlett, you would know that this isn't her. She is an independent sleeper and loves her space. I can't bare to have her wake up in an unfamiliar place and scream frantically one more time. I told Ty that I cannot wait until we are settled into a permanent home. A house where she can have her very own permanent room. And that reminds me that in two months, we'll be moving again.

I spent a lot of time with my sister at her camp this week. We went for walks and did a beach day. Even drove around on the golf cart. Scarlett loved playing with the big kids. It took my mind off of Ty. Yesterday, I brought Scarlett to visit my dad. He brought her all around the old farm and showed her my old stomping grounds. It made me smile to see Scarlett walking around on the grass that I grew up on. The field that I rode my horse through. The old dirt road that I rode my bike on. The tree house that I built. And then driving home from my dad's house, I got a little sad. I miss being a child. How carefree and safe the world seemed to me then. How quickly it went by. In the blink of an eye. It made me want to give Scarlett an even happier childhood because I realized what an impact mine had on me. I was a lucky little girl to have the childhood that I had.

This week has been different than I expected. Being back here in Mass, this week, has made me sad in a few ways. It is strange to me how much has changed since we moved to New York  almost a year ago. This place doesn't feel the same. It makes me reminisce miles and miles of memories. I miss the memories that were made here. But all of those memories feel like ghosts now.  Even though this will always be home, I find myself counting the days until I can return to New York. I didn't expect to feel that way. I am so excited that I get to see Ty today!! I feel like I have been away from him for an eternity! Although this week was different than expected, I still loved seeing family and friends very much!


  1. I always find it hard to go back home were I was born and raised after being away for so long. You don't expect things to change they do. Its not like it was before when you lived there. At least for me it wasn't. I always find myself saying we will move back there when we get out of the army but then why, our life's not there anymore. Its been something I've struggled with for a while now. I hope you guys are able to really settle down here soon and not have to do the back and forth thing any more.

  2. Home really is where your heart is. Ty is your heart and that's where your home is.

  3. I always enjoy going back home to Wisconsin, especially since California has such a different vibe than the Midwest. However, I can totally relate in feeling distant from old friends. My same group of friends, back in good ol' Wisconsin, have obviously been able to hang out with each other and create memories without me. I felt more like an outsider the last time I was there but people change. Relationships flex because of this and that's what I've been focusing on the most. As I experience new things in life, I'm sure I'll gain new friends, lose old ones and keep the ones who were always meant to be.

  4. it's so sweet that your dad took scarlett to all your old stomping grounds. i am sorry you have been feeling a little sad this week. i imagine it must be tough and bittersweet all at the same time. your photos, as always, are so beautiful.
    as is your heart, lauren. <3
    keeping your in my prayers!

  5. Your little girl is a doll. Mine is 14mo too... fun age!


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