Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Reason Why

By: Lauren Hutchinson
Copyright © 2010

While I dialed the numbers, my intuition said no.
Too late, he answered and said "hello".
My words came out; he said okay.
He showed no hesitation. There was no delay.

'This isn't gonna solve it, I've done this before'

He got out of his car, I still felt unsure.
But still I ran to his arms, he held me near.
And inside, I shed just one tear.
He couldn't notice. He wouldn't see,
'Cause the tear I shed, was a memory of what I used to be.

My face rested on his shoulder, I could smell his cologne.
Tell me I'm good enough...good enough all alone.
Let me shine...I'm his tonight.
And no one else matters but me, alright?
I will make this endeavor so much fun,
If you could just pretend I am the only one.

The night was no where near it's end.
I would make more out of him than a friend.
He knew me, but he really didn't know a thing.
Lust is all I needed him to bring.
Making me feel more than I should.
Please don't judge me, Your feet were never where I stood.

His eyes met mine so sincerely.
I looked into them searching for what I needed so dearly.
A moment of exemption is what he must bestow.
As his lips touched mine, I let everything go.
I was the only star in his sky.
He didn't ask questions, he didn't wonder why,
Why I was not enough...He didn't understand.
Because to him, I alone, I was something grand.

Right feelings, very much the wrong soul.
His hands on my body, right then, I felt whole.
I didn't want the moment to ever end....
Because then I would know it was only pretend.
“If mine could give me what I feel right now,
Then I wouldn't be here somehow”

I laid there watching the sun peek over the trees.
I realized there is nothing inside me that he could appease.
I knew that everything I had just done was wrong.
And yet I needed it just to belong.
In my head played a melancholy song.
I....I was wrong.
With all that I said, I left so much unspoken.
He didn't break it, still my heart laid broken.

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I asked myself "why does this have to be so tough?"
He's gonna wonder why he's not good enough.
Before I left, I took one last look at his handsome face,
And I went back to what broke me in the first place.
Back to my lover.. I went home.
As I lay down next to him, I laid alone.
Tears gathered in my eyes, the lump I tried to swallow.
Suddenly I felt empty.  I just felt so hollow.

What had I done? I was not naive.
If I was unhappy, then why didn’t I leave?
I did what I did to feel free,
And yet it had such a hold over me.
How can you love something so much and still betray it?
How could I show love if I couldn’t even portray it?

With wet eyes, my love asked "why?". Neither one of us believed me.
'Oh God, he’s gonna leave me.'

Closing the door, I hung my head in shame.
I forgave him, he couldn’t do the same.
Nothing could describe the feeling, just so incredibly sad.
I now knew why good girls went bad.

Nothing left to say to someone who was no longer there.
He couldn’t hear my apology, his heart in despair.
The tables were turned. Empathy began to occur.
He felt the same ache that tormented me, when he laid down with her.

To every story, there are two sides.
On each path, there are two roads. You decide.

While I wrote the message and pushed send,
I knew what was about to append.
This isn’t gonna solve it, I’ve been here before.
He got out of his car, here I was again, unsure.
I thought of my lover at home; my mind raced.
'What am I about to waste?'

He held out his arms, I could taste the lust.
'I am about to throw out the trust.'

Looking in his eyes, he knew I was about to deceive.
He let down his arms, confused, as he watched me leave....
He yelled, "I don't understand!" And he waited for a reply.
I called back, "He the reason why."

1 comment:

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